Jake's Journey Page #4

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it's that new iron maiden,

you get much more splashing

then you get with the old ones.

Don't I know it, we've got three,

it spurts everywhere.

Still, it's more of a deterrent, isn't it.

We've got four new

dungeons, really nice.

Ever so cramped and damp,

and smelly and slimy,

and they've been built

with racks en suite.

Our eight new dungeons

with racks en suite

will have especially

imported Sicilian slime.

Oh absolutely, we have Sicilian slime

pumped through to all our dungeons.

Don't know how to cope without it.

Sorry love. Got to be a

little bit late for lunch.

Got an emergency rack job on.

Hello mrs. Gantlet, how's Buddy then?

Busy?

Up to his knees in eyeballs.

Still, mustn't grumble.

Not when the work's coming in.

Who's on the rack?

Some git they found wandering

through the castle.

Said he'd lost his way.

I said, pull the other leg,

I'm going to stretch both of yours.

- What's that all about?

- I don't know, but they worry me.

Right lad, now for the big one.

Beryl, we've got another one.

Oh no, the bin's full up.

Oh prod it down a bit

and sit on the lid.

Their majesties will be

with you presently.

No, no, I just came to leave a note.

I thought that last one

was showing a little promise

until he allowed himself to be

strewn all over the room like that.

- Good evening.

- Ah, there you are.

- Good afternoon.

- Hello.

- Good evening.

- Open wide.

- What?

- Open your mouth wide.

Oh dear.

Two and a quarter.

A bit generous I'm afraid.

- Generous?

- Yes, scarcely greedy at all.

It's on the borderline.

Never mind.

We'll allow you to carry on.

- Good evening.

- Now then.

Let me explain the procedures

of courtship for all the princes.

No, see, you don't understand,

I'm not a...

Be quiet.

I'm expounding my theory.

Good evening.

Now you see, we are ludicrously rich.

Certainly the greediest

people in the kingdom.

My wife is so greedy that

she restricts herself

to the use of only two

words, "good evening".

Because she is terrified

of giving anything away.

- Good evening.

- There you go.

Now I've been making a scientific

study of family trees.

In all the wealthiest families,

if the two partners are greedy,

then their offspring are greedy.

But if one of the partners

is even slightly generous,

then three out of the four children

will be wanton spendthrifts.

Good evening!

So to protect the wealth

of our children's children,

we've let it be known that my daughter

is physically repellent.

This is to encourage the right type.

Now if they pass the mean mouth test,

then it's on to the final,

where they have to be greedy enough

to overcome extreme fear.

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