It's Not My Fault and I Don't Care Anyway Page #6

Synopsis: Patrick Spencer is a legend in the self-help world, teaching a level of considered selfishness that would make Ayn Rand jealous. "Why are we sitting in cubicles, flushing the hours of our lives down some corporate toilet, and not even reaping the rewards! Instead our toil goes to wives and husbands and daughters and charities and relatives who are down on their luck, and other such parasites who would drag you down and keep you from your truest self. They will pull you under. It is you or them." Brian Calhoun is a giant, towering over 7 feet tall. He's also a homeless heroin addict, living in his Dad's old Cadillac, who's been recruited by his dealer to be his thug - paid in free heroin. "I mean, that is like a lot of heroin, a week's supply! Maybe I could get ahead on my bottle collecting...to an addict like me, that's like a dream." Diana Spencer is the disaffected daughter of a famous and emotionally detached father in a support group for her sex addiction. "My sex life was getting
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Chris Craddock
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.3
Year:
2017
96 min
91 Views


Why she rich?

Her Daddy is some big

ass self-help guy, right?

It's almost like

a church he's got.

People worship the motherfucka.

Patrick Spencer.

Wait. Patrick Spencer. Da guy

from da TV all f***in hours.

The infomercials.

That's him.

Da guy with the books and

everything and da sold out

shows at the convention centre?

Cocaine bring people together

from all walks of life, J.

True that, dog.

Okay.

We gonna boost her.

What?

Dis little rich girl

o' yours. We gone boost her.

For da ransom.

Nay. We ain't gotta

do all that, J.

Bottlecap.

Google me dis.

How much dis Spencer

man worth in Dollars?

Eighty six million.

Okay we can't afford to

not boost dis little girl.

Dats money on da

f***ing table, G.

But she's a good customer man.

Her and her friends...

Is she ten million Dollars good?

Nah, Lil one.

Let's make a plan.

Nah. I'm outta this one.

You ain't out on sh*t.

You're, you da bait.

What is dis.

F***in art?

I love you too, Giantman.

And then they got into it.

You know, like it

was a staff meeting.

We need some sh*t

to knock her out.

What's dat stuff

from the old movies?

Chloroform.

Does dat even exist?

I'll look it up.

But I guess it was

like anything else we did.

We did terrible illegal

stuff all the time.

We were criminals.

It was our job.

And sometimes it's part

of your job not to care

about things, right?

So we boost Diana.

We burst into the

room and they were...

They were making sex in there.

Ha, ha, haaa! Goddamn,

crime is so fock'n easy.

I don't know why everyone

not do it, ya know.

I felt bad.

Not only to interrupt,

but she was naked.

The only thing worse

than getting kidnapped

is to get kidnapped naked.

Why do you have to hit her, man?

Chloroform only

work in da movies.

You said you wouldn't hurt her.

I say a lotta tings.

Giantman, take her away.

You, you not playing.

I wrapped her up in the sheet.

That way she was kinda dressed.

Then I wouldn't be touching

a naked girl, which you

can't do without permission.

She looks so small.

Charlie said her father

was the king of self help.

I guess that made

her a princess.

The princess of

helping yourself.

That was, I think, like,

ironic because she couldn't

help herself at all.

All knocked out and

kidnapped by a giant.

So. I know it's a clich in

therapy to blame your parents

for everything, but I

do think it's significant that

my Mom was suicidally depressed,

and my Dad doesn't care

about me, on purpose.

So, imagine me, 14,

with this depressed Mom.

Daddy's home.

And I hope, are

you feeling better.

My dad still cared,

but also he was a drunk.

And how was your day?

It was okay.

- Honestly, it wasn't

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Chris Craddock

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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