I Do (But I Don't) Page #5

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There it was:

James Nicholas Corina.

I understood immediately why Nick

preferred his middle name to his first.

James was way too uptight for a handsome

and free-spirited guy like Nick.

But what does it matter?

Rule number four:

Never get involved with the groom.

Oh, call Jacques. Find out if he

can fly in from Paris to do my hair.

If so, buy a ticket for his poodle.

Before I forget, book me a session in that

hyperbaric oxygen chamber, would you?

Rule number five:

Beware of the psycho bride.

The psycho bride is someone

who's lost touch with reality.

Case in point:
Darla.

Jacques, I'm calling

from Madame T's office.

I need to talk cut and colors.

-What do you think?

-It's stunning.

-You look like a queen.

-Queen Mary, maybe.

-This skirt makes me look like a ship.

-Oui, oui. S.S. Terrible.

Next.

Just so you know, I'm not paid

to think, just to agree.

-Trust me, I understand.

-Oh, honey, the only time...

...I ever hear the word "equal"

is when she wants two in her latte.

Here, doll, you look

like you could use this.

-Thanks.

-Sure.

Oh, beautiful.

Oh! Way too J. Lo.

-Which wedding?

-Who cares?

We know how they all turn out.

Okay, okay, this isn't working. Try again.

-This is nice. It would look good on you.

-That's pretty.

Very young, very flirty.

-I....

-No. No.

No.

Here we are.

Perfection.

No. Stupid.

Look, look, look.

Rule number six is an addendum

to rule number five:

The only thing worse than

the psycho bride is the indecisive bride.

No.

-Nice.

-Doesn't feel right.

No, no.

Okay.

No.

No, forget it.

Oh, yes.

-Oh, my God. That's the one.

-It's absolutely gorgeous.

-Lauren?

-I hated it.

Not because she didn't

look beautiful, but because...

...it was like the dress I wore

at my wedding. I wanted to cry.

But since I'm a professional,

I did the next best thing. I lied.

The dress simply

doesn't do you justice.

Well, I think we have

to have something custom-made then.

After a miserable day with Darla,

I was looking forward...

...to the surprise Bonnie had for me.

Why didn't you tell me

it was the Firemen's Ball?

Because I knew you wouldn't come.

-You're right. Nick is engaged.

-So?

If he represents the fireman's species,

there are bound to be others.

I don't wanna run into him.

You won't. There are so many people here.

What are the odds?

-Nick. Very nice to meet you.

-Bonnie.

-So are you on your own tonight?

-Yes, I am.

Me too.

I love that flower in your hair, the lily.

It's beautiful.

-Thanks. It's my favorite flower.

-I'll have to remember that.

-So how do you know Nicky?

-Oh, we met at a wedding.

-Lauren's a wedding planner.

-What exactly...

...does a wedding planner do?

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