I'll Be Home for Christmas Page #5

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Man, oh, man.

l was sure you were a goner.

Nolan, it's been two hours. I can't

have this conversation any more.

What conversation?

The one where you go you were sure

l was a goner

and I go, that was a close one.

A Pathfinder. Catch up with them.

-Who's them?

My girlfriend.

-No kidding. All the way out here?

Wait a minute. Are you saying

that's Mrs Claus in that car?

With another guy?

Mrs Claus stepping out on Santa?

Letting some other guy

down the chimney?

Why, that two-timing ho!

Nolan, reality check.

Say no more, Santa. l'm after them.

Nolan, I said catch them,

try not to kill us.

There's a cop behind us. Slow down.

Cops make me nervous.

l'm gonna make a run for it.

Are you nuts?

Daddy always said, it's better

to go out in a blaze of glory

than to rot

in a state correctional facility.

You're about to tell me

the stuff in the back is stolen?

l won't if you don't want me to.

Stop the car, Nolan.

All right, come on, Jake. Think.

l know. Put this on. Act like my elf.

How do elves act?

-I don't know.

Happy.

-Happy?

Merry Christmas, officer. Problem?

ln a bit of a hurry, aren't you?

That's my fault.

Busy time of year for me.

l'm an elf.

-So it seems.

Do you realise

you were going 9 in a 65 mph zone?

You should try catching me

in my sleigh.

You see, officer,

my elf Snow Puff and l

are heading to the children's

hospital in the next town.

You mean Redcliff?

-Exactly.

To distribute toys to the youngsters.

Sorry if in my haste I sped up a bit,

but every second counts

to a bedridden child.

All right, l'll tell you what.

No more speeding, OK, Santa?

65 stay alive.

Merry Christmas.

-Thank you, officer.

And that is how the big boys do it.

You know what?

My shift ends in a few minutes.

Follow me.

l'll get you there in no time.

That's how the big boys do it?

Shut up, Nolan.

So close yet so far.

Please stay in the car.

l guess he couldn't hear you.

Thank you, officer.

Do y'all mind if I go in there

with you?

l'd like to see the kids' faces

when you give them their gifts.

The more, the merrier.

l want a pony

and a Barbie dreamhouse...

That's all great stuff but Santa

will give you something better.

A KitchenAid Classic Plus toaster

with exclusive AcuToast sensor

for consistent toasting

time after time.

Sweetie, this toaster is extra wide

so you can get four bagels in there

instead of the usual two.

Thank you, Santa.

-You're welcome.

Santa, this toaster was already

promised to a cowpoke named Nolan.

Hand it over to the kid, Snow Puff.

All right, let's get this line

moving. Who's next?

All-righty,

and what do you want for Christmas?

And finally... Ho-ho-ho.

Merry Christmas.

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