I'll Be Home for Christmas Page #4

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No, it's just I had a hard night

and l'm not feeling so well.

Get out of there.

Mama's teeth have fallen

out of her mouth again.

Just wedge them back in, dear.

OK, Santa Claus.

Make yourself useful.

Put those right back in her mouth.

Gherkins, anyone?

For Pete's sake!

Oh, well, that's lovely.

-What happened?

Santa just yammied in your handbag.

There he goes again.

-Stop him.

Get up.

Did I hurt you, Santa? Good.

All right, buster. Out you get.

Get out of here.

And take your beard with you.

l never heard of such a thing.

lmagine.

Yammying in my sister's handbag.

There you go, that's five.

Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.

Oh, I love this game.

Which word is not like the others?

Santa?

-No, idiot.

lt's a message Jake left

on my machine.

Bizarre, huh?

Oh, my God.

What's wrong with you?

We gotta go.

We're way behind schedule.

Wait!

This is the worst day of my life.

And it just got worse.

Ho-ho-ho, tubby.

Secret fat-man handshake. All right.

Confidentially speaking,

between us Santas,

don't you get tired of this suit?

Every year, it's the same suit.

Red, red, red.

Does any guy really look good in red?

l don't think so.

Got room in the sledge for two?

Thanks.

l really appreciate it. You're a pal.

You're not so cute in the morning.

l'm glad nothing happened.

You just slugged me.

-As per our agreement.

Wake up, chief, time to feed

the reindeer.

All right, l'm going.

Merry Christmas to you too.

l went and killed Santa.

Thank God.

Hang on, Santa, l'm coming.

Hold on.

Am I alive?

l have never been happier

to answer that question.

Yes, you are alive.

You've been asked that before?

-Maybe ten, 12 times.

Allie, can I ask you something?

-Shoot.

Look, l'm a millennial type of guy.

l dig world music,

l think freons should be banned,

l'm all about yoga

and macrobiotic food.

l'm in touch with my inner child.

Is the question coming before Ohio?

What l'm getting at is...

what does Jake have

that I haven't got?

lt's the stuff he comes up with.

Funny things.

Amazing things.

Things that just give me the chills.

Give me an example

of one of these chills.

There was this one time

l was feeling really bad.

lt was really just a down day.

Jake took my hand in his

and being really sweet he said...

Not even the rain

has such small hands.

Not even the rain

has such small hands?

What a nerd.

lt's E.E. Cummings.

Poetry, Eddie.

That gave you chills?

You wouldn't understand.

What?

Not even the corn has such big ears.

That's beautiful. l'm really moved.

Cos if it's poetry you want,

l got it, baby.

There once was a man from

Nantucket...

Just drive the car, Eddie.

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