He's Way More Famous Than You Page #3

And sitting on the

toilet with a diarrhea...

Oozing out of me, slowly...

Like a Mr. Softy...

The diarrhea...

Symbolic of my career...

Dried fruits, you guess it. That's you.

I was in the biggest

indie of the last century.

I was in the Squid and the Whale.

Ring a ding ding dong...

I know you love ding dongs.

Listen to me.

Can you listen?

I took a 6 week course on

listening with Austin Penddleton.

The Squid and the Whale

had a limited released, 6..

Or 7 years ago.

And you played the supporting role.

Aloha?

I was the only sympathy

garnering character...

In a movie populated exclusively

by narcissistic literaty...

A little Miss "I'm

smarter than my client".

I'm sorry, I don't need to make

fun of they way you think and speak.

To want to say the obvious that you

can barely fit into that chair...

Sorry, I hadn't had a

drink yet this morning.

No one will hire you

because you drink too much.

You're starting to get a reputation.

I am so sorry, have you

forgotten who my father is?

World famous Pullitzer

prized winning saturist...

Jules Feiffer.

Most people don't even

know he's still alive.

I can get you...

In touch with people in our HR..

And they can help you.

Find a rehab.

That takes your insurance.

Rehab?

Oh, you mean like a publicity stunt?

I like it, I like it.

- Halley, no!

Not a publicity stunt.

You are a great actress.

And I have much faith in your talent.

But you have become rude.

And unrully...

And impossible to work with.

You need to make a significant

change in your life...

And if you don't, I could

no longer work with you.

Shh shh... Are you done?

Okay great.

I'm gonna come in next week...

And we can finish this

little intervention later...

Halley...

- Once I have a tasty drink under my belt.

I'm letting you go.

Fine.

Fine.

You want to know why that's fine?

I'm gonna take this piss

poor attitude of yours...

And spin a web of gold with it.

I'm writing my own movie.

Infact it's basically already written.

That's right, I'm starring in it...

And it's gonna get into the

Sand Dune screenwriter's lab.

Oscar gold, here comes mama...

And guess who's not getting 10%..

Fatty McGee, and that's you.

I should never...

Let you into my life

in the first place...

You don't know how talented I am.

I'm gonna be the biggest movie

star that you've ever heard of!

Ryan, Ryan...

Hey Ryan...

I have to talk to you

like right now, Ryan...

Oh my God, Ryan... Are you there...

- Jeez.

Halley, what?

- Oh my God, I have something really important to tell you.

What's the matter?

- Oh my God.

If you don't like to stick your

penis in other boy's mouth...

I would totally smonk your dong.

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