Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

Synopsis: The morning they return from their White Castle road trip, Harold and Kumar decide to go to Amsterdam because Harold doesn't want to wait ten days to see Maria again. On the plane, Kumar lights up his new bong, the air marshals think it's a bomb, and Harold and Kumar are arrested as terrorists and sent to Guantanamo Bay. Ordered to fellate a guard, they manage to escape, make their way to Florida, and head for Texas to find Kumar's ex-girlfriend's fiancé, the well-connected Colton, and get him to intercede with Washington on their behalf. Kumar still has a thing for Vanessa, the feds are in hot pursuit, and the legal weed of Amsterdam seems a long way away.
Genre: Adventure, Comedy
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  1 win & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
57
Rotten Tomatoes:
52%
R
Year:
2008
104 min
$38,087,366
Website
252 Views

# I see trees of green #

# Red roses too #

# I see them bloom #

# For me and you #

# And I think to myself #

# What a wonderful world #

# I see skies of blue #

# And clouds of white #

# The bright blessed day #

# The dark sacred night #

# And I think to myself #

# What a wonderful world #

# Yes #

# I think to myself #

# What a wonderful #

Yes, dude!

What the f*ck? What the f*ck?

What are you doing?

I'm taking the most incredible dump

of all time, man.

You couldn't wait

till I got out of the shower?

May I remind you that

we both just ate 30 burgers...

and four large orders of fries?

Don't worry, in a little bit,

I'm sure it'll hit you too.

It may be. But I'm gonna wait

till you get out of the shower.

Well, don't wait too long. We've got

to leave for the airport in an hour.

Ooh, that burns.

- An hour?

- Hey, and, Roldy?

Yeah?

Nice pubes.

Asshole, get out of here right now.

- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now!

- Dude, this thing is huge!

I think it still has cheese on it.

# Ooh wee #

# Ooh wee #

# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

# When I step into the party

all the ladies wanna know #

# I'm hangin' with the ballers,

yeah, or my nigga Ghost #

# I can tell you what they say, haters,

if you wanna know #

# They say ooh wee #

# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes

all the ladies wanna roll #

# Be my Juliet

and I can be your Romeo #

# If you actin' menace

I can pick another ho #

# Ooh wee, ooh wee #

- # Ooh wee #

- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

# In the middle of the summer,

or even 20 below #

# I'm a bad motherf*cker

I'm way too f*ckin' cold #

# Let me tell you what they say

when I'm pullin' off my drawers #

# They say ooh wee #

- # Ooh wee #

- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

# Ooh wee #

# Aiyo, aiyo #

# My game's here to party

just to cut up a rug #

# Don't make me have to cut up a thug #

# Now play something for me, DJ,

'cause there's nothin' but love #

# Hosted by the ladies

who lookin' for somethin' to rub #

# Ooh wee #

Dude. Oh, my Go...

I just realized something.

What?

Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man.

I'm following her to Amsterdam.

Dude, relax. I have a med school

interview in ten minutes.

You don't see me freaking out.

Don't worry, man,

she'll be psyched to see you.

Oh, psyched? You think

she's gonna be psyched?

Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be?

So how does this work?

We just... we show up in Amsterdam

and we start calling hotels...

and ask if they have

a Maria staying there?

- I don't even know her last name.

- Dude, it's totally cool.

We're definitely gonna find her.

Amsterdam is a very small place.

It's not gonna be...

Sir, I need you to step aside, please.

Let me search you.

- Did I beep?

- No, you didn't beep.

Just a random security check.

If you could just step aside, please?

Just over here.

- Random, huh?

- Yeah.

So this has nothing to do

with my ethnicity?

Kumar, just do what the guy says.

Sir, it's our job as airport security...

to search for all possible weapons

or illegal drugs.

So just because of the color of my skin,

you assume that I have drugs on me?

- No, he's...

- What are you, a racist?

Racist? Dude, I'm black.

He's black. He's not a racist.

Please, dude, you're barely even brown.

No, he didn't mean that.

Compared to me,

you look like Matthew Perry.

Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, bitch?

I'm calling you Matthew Perry,

you Matthew Perry-looking bitch!

No, there's nobody here

who is Matthew Perry. No one!

What is going on here?

Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks

that I have illegal narcotics on me...

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Jon Hurwitz

Jonathan Benjamin Hurwitz (born November 15, 1977) is an American screenwriter, director, and producer. more…

All Jon Hurwitz scripts | Jon Hurwitz Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • Chinese - Simplified 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • Chinese - Traditional 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Spanish Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • Japanese 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Portuguese Português (Portuguese)
  • German Deutsch (German)
  • Arabic العربية (Arabic)
  • French Français (French)
  • Russian Русский (Russian)
  • Kannada ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • Korean 한국어 (Korean)
  • Hebrew עברית (Hebrew)
  • Ukrainian Український (Ukrainian)
  • Urdu اردو (Urdu)
  • Hungarian Magyar (Hungarian)
  • Hindi मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesian Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italian Italiano (Italian)
  • Tamil தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Turkish Türkçe (Turkish)
  • Telugu తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • Thai ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Vietnamese Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Czech Čeština (Czech)
  • Polish Polski (Polish)
  • Indonesian Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Romanian Românește (Romanian)
  • Dutch Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Greek Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latin Latinum (Latin)
  • Swedish Svenska (Swedish)
  • Danish Dansk (Danish)
  • Finnish Suomi (Finnish)
  • Persian فارسی (Persian)
  • Yiddish ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • Armenian հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norwegian Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English English (English)

Discuss this Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 20 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/harold_%252526_kumar_escape_from_guantanamo_bay_9648>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

Watch the movie trailer

Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


The Studio:

ScreenWriting Tool

Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.