Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

Synopsis: The morning they return from their White Castle road trip, Harold and Kumar decide to go to Amsterdam because Harold doesn't want to wait ten days to see Maria again. On the plane, Kumar lights up his new bong, the air marshals think it's a bomb, and Harold and Kumar are arrested as terrorists and sent to Guantanamo Bay. Ordered to fellate a guard, they manage to escape, make their way to Florida, and head for Texas to find Kumar's ex-girlfriend's fiancé, the well-connected Colton, and get him to intercede with Washington on their behalf. Kumar still has a thing for Vanessa, the feds are in hot pursuit, and the legal weed of Amsterdam seems a long way away.
Genre: Adventure, Comedy
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  1 win & 1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
104 min

# I see trees of green #

# Red roses too #

# I see them bloom #

# For me and you #

# And I think to myself #

# What a wonderful world #

# I see skies of blue #

# And clouds of white #

# The bright blessed day #

# The dark sacred night #

# And I think to myself #

# What a wonderful world #

# Yes #

# I think to myself #

# What a wonderful #

Yes, dude!

What the f***? What the f***?

What are you doing?

I'm taking the most incredible dump

of all time, man.

You couldn't wait

till I got out of the shower?

May I remind you that

we both just ate 30 burgers...

and four large orders of fries?

Don't worry, in a little bit,

I'm sure it'll hit you too.

It may be. But I'm gonna wait

till you get out of the shower.

Well, don't wait too long. We've got

to leave for the airport in an hour.

Ooh, that burns.

- An hour?

- Hey, and, Roldy?


Nice pubes.

A**hole, get out of here right now.

- Wipe and leave. Wipe and leave now!

- Dude, this thing is huge!

I think it still has cheese on it.

# Ooh wee #

# Ooh wee #

# La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

# When I step into the party

all the ladies wanna know #

# I'm hangin' with the ballers,

yeah, or my nigga Ghost #

# I can tell you what they say, haters,

if you wanna know #

# They say ooh wee #

# When I'm rollin' my Mercedes

all the ladies wanna roll #

# Be my Juliet

and I can be your Romeo #

# If you actin' menace

I can pick another ho #

# Ooh wee, ooh wee #

- # Ooh wee #

- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

# In the middle of the summer,

or even 20 below #

# I'm a bad motherf***er

I'm way too f***in' cold #

# Let me tell you what they say

when I'm pullin' off my drawers #

# They say ooh wee #

- # Ooh wee #

- # La, la, la, la, la, la-la #

# Ooh wee #

# Aiyo, aiyo #

# My game's here to party

just to cut up a rug #

# Don't make me have to cut up a thug #

# Now play something for me, DJ,

'cause there's nothin' but love #

# Hosted by the ladies

who lookin' for somethin' to rub #

# Ooh wee #

Dude. Oh, my Go...

I just realized something.


Maria's gonna think I'm a stalker, man.

I'm following her to Amsterdam.

Dude, relax. I have a med school

interview in ten minutes.

You don't see me freaking out.

Don't worry, man,

she'll be psyched to see you.

Oh, psyched? You think

she's gonna be psyched?

Totes, dude. Why wouldn't she be?

So how does this work?

We just... we show up in Amsterdam

and we start calling hotels...

and ask if they have

a Maria staying there?

- I don't even know her last name.

- Dude, it's totally cool.

We're definitely gonna find her.

Amsterdam is a very small place.

It's not gonna be...

Sir, I need you to step aside, please.

Let me search you.

- Did I beep?

- No, you didn't beep.

Just a random security check.

If you could just step aside, please?

Just over here.

- Random, huh?

- Yeah.

So this has nothing to do

with my ethnicity?

Kumar, just do what the guy says.

Sir, it's our job as airport security...

to search for all possible weapons

or illegal drugs.

So just because of the color of my skin,

you assume that I have drugs on me?

- No, he's...

- What are you, a racist?

Racist? Dude, I'm black.

He's black. He's not a racist.

Please, dude, you're barely even brown.

No, he didn't mean that.

Compared to me,

you look like Matthew Perry.

Hey, who you calling Matthew Perry, b*tch?

I'm calling you Matthew Perry,

you Matthew Perry-looking b*tch!

No, there's nobody here

who is Matthew Perry. No one!

What is going on here?

Sir, Matthew Perry over here thinks

that I have illegal narcotics on me...

because I'm a minority.

This is textbook racial profiling...

and I'd be more than happy

to call the ACLU or the government...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

- You can move along.

- I appreciate it. Thanks, Matt Perry.

Hey, what are you doing?

What do you mean, what am I doing?

He called me Matthew Perry.

Well, you look like Matthew Perry.

- He's white!

- So what?

Why does everything have to become

a huge argument with you, man?

'Cause this is America, dude...

and as long as I have my freedom

of speech, no one's gonna shut me up.



- Vanessa.

- Oh, my God!

- Good to see you.

- So good to see you. L...

- Hi. Hey.

- Hey.


God, it's been forever.

What are you guys doing?

We're actually on our way

to Amsterdam.

- Amsterdam?

- Yeah.

Well, you guys haven't changed.

You have. You look amazing.

Your hair is diff...

- Doesn't she look amazing?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you look great.

You look awesome. Sorry.

What am I even saying?

You look different and...

- Kumar Patel, you're flustered.

- Little bit.

So, what's up with you? You still dating

the Abercrombie-wearing douchebag?

Actually, it's Brooks Brothers.

Colton! How are you, buddy?

- Good to see ya.

- Good to see you.

And we're not dating anymore.

No. We... are getting married.

Congratulations, you guys.

- You're f***ing getting married?

- Yeah.

- When?

- Next week.

It's going to be a perfect day.

I mean, that's assuming we get

those Stargazer lilies for the bouquets.

This florist has been

a complete nightmare.

F***ing a**holes.

Colton's practically planning

the whole wedding all by himself.

So, Rold, Brewster Keegan letting you

off the leash for a little vay-cay?

I own that place now, Colton.

Thank you so much for the hook-up.

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Jon Hurwitz

Jonathan Benjamin Hurwitz (born November 15, 1977) is an American screenwriter, director, and producer. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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