Happy Valley
Season #1 Episode #1- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2014
- 58 min
- 1,071 Views
1 INT. NEWSAGENTS. DAY 1. 10.00 1
The NEWSAGENT gives a CUSTOMER change as a police car comes
to a halt right outside (flashing lights, no siren). SGT.
CATHERINE CAWOOD (48, unassailably pleasant) strides into the
shop. She’s all tooled up; truncheon and cuffs hanging off
her belt, radio, bullet-proof vest. We see the three stripes.
She looks like she’s made of gadgets. Robocop. But there’s
something calm and reassuring and feminine about her manner,
despite her striking no-nonsense appearance. She’s probably
smiling politely as she asks
CATHERINE:
Have you got a fire extinguisher?
NEWSAGENT:
(panic)
A f - ?
CATHERINE:
For putting out fires.
(no response:
shop keeperstill stunned)
I’ve got one in the car, but I may
need something bigger.
A robust, breathless 70-YEAR-OLD WOMAN has followed CATHERINE
into the shop.
70-YEAR-OLD WOMAN
There’s a fella round t’corner
reckoning to set fire to himself!
CATHERINE:
(charming)
Yes, thank you, we’re on top of
that.
(she pulls some cheap sunglasses
off a stand)
How much can I give you for these?
CUT TO:
2 EXT. HOUSING ESTATE. DAY 1. 10.01 2
LIAM HUGHES (23) has doused himself in petrol and he’s
standing on a bench opposite some flats. He’s drunk so much
his coordination's gone and he’s distressed. His face is
grubby and streaked with tears. He’s got a can of beer in one
hand, a cigarette lighter in the other. His empty petrol
can’s on the ground in front of the bench.
CATHERINE heads inexorably towards LIAM with her fire
extinguisher. She’s wearing her new cheap sunglasses. P.C.
KIRSTEN McASKILL (23, but looks 12) is right behind her.
HAPPY VALLEY. EPISODE ONE. BY SALLY WAINWRIGHT 2.
KIRSTEN:
Nice glasses.
CATHERINE:
He can send himself to paradise -
that’s his choice - but he’s not
taking my eyebrows with him.
We see a small indifferent crowd made up of two size 20 women
in size 14 clothes, both in their late forties, two teenage
girls with push chairs, a couple of grubby lads in their
early twenties (also with cans of beer), and one or two
people standing on their balconies in the flats.
YOUTH 1 YOUTH 2
Ey! Set fire to yerself nutty Ey! Guy Fawkes!
boy! It’s freezing ovver (he shakes a box of
here! matches)
D’you want a matcher!?
CATHERINE (CONT’D)
Did we call an ambulance?
KIRSTEN:
On its way.
They want to shut their They want to shut up.
mouths, them two.
CATHERINE:
Do we know his name?
KIRSTEN:
Liam Hughes. Twenty-three.
Unemployed. Smack head.
Yeah, you wanna shuddup, Goggins!
It isn’t funny!
YOUTH 1
It is from ovver here, it’s
hilarious.
CATHERINE:
What’s he upset about?
KIRSTEN:
His ex.
CATHERINE:
His ex.
Isn’t it always.
HAPPY VALLEY. EPISODE ONE. BY SALLY WAINWRIGHT 3.
KIRSTEN:
She finished with him three days
ago and now she’s sleeping with his
best bud.
And it’s match! Not matcher. Dozy
twat.
CATHERINE:
We’ve got a high ranking highly
trained specialist expert police
negotiator on his way over from
Wakefield.
KIRSTEN:
(checking her watch)
E.T.A.?
CATHERINE:
(checking her watch)
Basically it’s you and me, kid.
YOUTH 2
Who you calling a dozy twat? Who’s
she calling a dozy twat?
You, yer dozy twat!
YOUTH 1
The one and only...! Human barbycue!
CATHERINE:
(flicks her head across at
the beer crew, keeps her
eyes on LIAM)
Go and close down the comedy
department.
KIRSTEN heads off to quell the YOUTHS (who are the same age
as herself) as CATHERINE carries on towards LIAM. CATHERINE
turns her radio off. KIRSTEN may look 12 years old, but at 23
she in fact has five years’ experience under her belt, and
she knows how to saunter in a threatening and intimidating
way that shuts people up before she’s even arrived. But like
CATHERINE, once she starts talking she has a manner that’s at
odds with her appearance.
KIRSTEN:
Nice tattoos. My boyfriend has a
tattoo. On his sternocleidomastoid.
YOUTH 1 YOUTH 2
Is that rude? (pleased)
The dirty get.
HAPPY VALLEY. EPISODE ONE. BY SALLY WAINWRIGHT 4.
KIRSTEN (CONT’D)
(she puts her finger to
her neck and considers
how rude your neck is)
No.
YOUTH 2
What’s it say?
KIRSTEN:
It’s like...
(she considers, isn’t
entirely certain)
a butterfly?
YOUTH 2
And he’s a man?
KIRSTEN:
Maybe it’s a wasp.
YOUTH 1
Y’been going out with him long?
KIRSTEN considers how long she can keep this lie going. Over
yonder, CATHERINE’s within ten feet of LIAM.
LIAM:
You come any closer an’ I’m setting
mesen off!
CATHERINE’s calm.
CATHERINE:
What’s happened, Liam?
LIAM:
I don’t know what you’ve brought
that for.
CATHERINE:
Well. If you accidentally fireball
yourself LIAM
CATHERINE:
The’ll be nowt accidental
about it.
- you’re gonna get foamed,
and believe you me, it’s nota good look.
LIAM:
Y’needn’t bovver.
CATHERINE:
But it is better than the
alternative. How’s it all come to
this then, lad?
HAPPY VALLEY. EPISODE ONE. BY SALLY WAINWRIGHT 5.
LIAM:
I’ve been humiliated.
CATHERINE:
Humiliated.
LIAM:
CATHERINE:
Okay
LIAM:
Actions speak louder than words.
CATHERINE:
Okay. Can I just say this though,
Liam. The lighter’s making me
nervous. You’ve had a lot to drink
and you’ve got the shakes and you
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