Hands Up Dead Man, You're Under Arrest




No! No!

Have mercy!

Don't shoot, Captain!

We surrendered!

You can't shoot at prisoners!

War is over.

I retire you.

But we're unarmed!

I don't want any prisoners.

Yankee bastards'.!

Get out, you cowards!

Or I'm coming to shoot you!

Don't be stupid!

Get out, it's better for you!

I want to kill him!

Captain, have mercy!

You won, but let us live!

- I'll make you shut up in a minute!

- Let us live!

One coward less on earth.

They are no cowards, Captain.

They are lions, even though

they have no claws anymore.

They are brave men.

They endured without

ammunition and food.

True soldiers, Captain.

- Heros.

- And you? And who are you?

The son of General Lee?

Or of Custer?

- Someone who wants to ease the pain.

- Ah yeah.

I'd rather say

you're a dirty coward.

A sniper.

And you?

No! No!

No, don't, Captain!

Don't, Captain! No...

I have family.

Spare me!

I'm wounded, I...

Can't you hear how he suffers?

Here. Help him.

That's your job, right?

You take all his pain away

in just one minute.

- Kill him.

- No!

Kill him!

- No! No...

- Well, come on.

Shoot him!

Shoot him or he'll kill us, too.

Come on.

- Pull the trigger.

- What are you waiting for?

You'll like

the music of the gun.

Kid, shoot.

Don't lose heart.

Kid, shoot!

We'll do everything you want!

We're prisoners,

but don't shoot us!

You wouldn't want

to kill a dead man!

Damned Yankees!


YOU'RE UNDER ARRES Well, you're getting better.

But you're still

too tense, my friend.

You must draw the gun faster!

Otherwise, you're a dead man.

You know, a gun is like a woman.

If you squeeze her too tightly,

you'll choke her.

If you don't hold her

tight enough, she'll escape.

Let's see if you can

hit a button.

It's a pity that you've started

with shooting that late!

We might have won the war!

That's what I keep saying all the time.

Of what use is it now?

- To shoot the turkeys?

- Ah, there's something better than turkeys.

The Rangers for example.


- Hey, wait.

- I can't.

I've got some clients

for the gravediggers.

Take this!

Ranger is no job for you.

No, you're not ready yet!

You can't even stay

in the saddle!

No, Rangers don't ride like this,

just a bag of beans!

You'll practice until

you break your back!

Guys, you're not ready yet!

I'm not satisfied

with you at all!

You wimps will

become good soldiers.

Able to shoot and to fight.

With the blank gun and the fists!

Hey you! Punch me!

Come on, beat me up!

V'! W. Bunch me'.!

Your reflexes are

too slow, did you see?

Come on, attack me again,

but with more brains if you got some.

Come on!

Help yourself!

No false modesty!

Saw that?

You laughing stocks!


You! Punch me!

Try it!


Can you shoot as well?

No! Not the turkeys!

They're not for today.

Look for something else.

You're a little hell-raiser.

Exactly what we need.

I see you heed my advice.

Yes, that's refreshing.

Take this.

Want some whiskey, huh?


We took it all away!

And there's no sheriff far

and wide who could harm us!

Got a lot of goods

this time, right?

We really can't complain.

Everybody will get his share.

- That's for you.

- Thank you very much!

You're welcome, son!

I'll let you know if there's

another bank which can be robbed!

Very good!

- And what do you want, boy?

- My name is Sando Kid.

- He's a Ranger.

- Stay calm.

Unfortunately, I have to

take you with me. Dead or alive.

You're playing with fire, Kid.

My gun never misses,

everybody knows that around here.

I never really pay attention

to the gossip around here.

These are your warrants.

Saint Peter's got the keys.

Come and get us.

Bravo, Ranger.

1,500 dollars -

not too bad for a rookie.

You seem to get along

quite good.

You blew away my customers.

Cleaned up real nice, all three of them.

Yeah, three briquets

for the hell fire.


Hey John!

Sando Kid!

Come on!


But that's John!

In handcuffs!

There are some left

for you, too.

- John and his accomplices.

- Yes. I arrested them.

What, arrested?

They're dead!

I stuck to the warrants.

They say dead or alive.

- And these turkeys?

- Ah yes.

These turkeys.

I caught them in memory of a friend

who's no longer with us.

I'm sorry for your friend.

- Peace for his soul.

- What, peace?

Peace for his soul!

He's alive and fit as a fiddle.

- Hey Kid!

- Hello Captain!

- Where did you clean up this time, huh?

- John and his band.

Occupational accident.

They'll feel sorry

for them in Heaven.

Ah, come on, these bandits

will all go to hell.

For the archive.


This license, Captain.

You promised me that one.

Sure. You'll spend your holidays

in your area:

And keep on working?

Well, let's just say, you'll

take a little care of order there.

We've been told that

a group of adventurers...

got comfortable around there

and acts like a wild bunch.

And if I'm not mistaken,

you'll also meet an old friend there.

Have fun. I'm sure,

you'll wangle that wonderfully.

That's what I expected, Captain.

- Good luck.

- Thanks.

In good or bad -

even Turner was convinced.

Now we'll go after

the land of Ballor...

with the grassland and the river.

Then the hills of Barton and Carson.

And I can assure you that

it won't take very long.

As soon as the railroad work begins,

it'll all belong to us.

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Enrico Zuccarini

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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