Girlfriend's Day Page #3

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It was a mess.

What did it say inside,

do you remember?

"I love you, Mom.

Come back soon.

Your son, Raymond."

Come back? Where'd she go,

on a trip, or...?

She died.

She had a thing.

I don't...

She only had a few weeks

left to live.

They kept saying to me

that she was going away.

"Your mom is going away."

Like I was supposed

to understand that.

[scoffs]

I just thought she'd be coming back.

Well, did she like it?

She loved it.

I think they buried her with it.

Yeah.

[voices murmuring]

[microphone feedback rings]

[Madsen] Okay, y'all ready

to get your poems on?

[low growl]

She barks.

Light.

Stop.

Light.

Brumble brumble.

She rants and she raves,

unmuffled by mufflers.

Loud is my truth.

Light. Stop. Light.

[spectator]

That's right. Okay.

And my hog loses balance...

falls to the pavement.

I weep.

Stop!

[microphone feedback rings]

Light.

That one's called Stop Light.

[subdued applause]

Please stick around.

There's more to come.

[women tittering]

[song playing on jukebox]

So, Ray, uh, what'd you think?

Of what?

Of the poem.

Well, your motorcycle

tipped over on you.

There was more to it than just that,

but, yeah, that was at the core of it.

We loved your poem.

Yeah. Well, she loved it

more than I did, but...

- I loved it.

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, thank you, ladies.

Pretty great.

Who's your friend?

Oh, uh, this is Ray.

Yeah, he writes, too.

Or wrote, I guess.

Romance cards.

Some really great ones.

- Wow.

- I love romance.

Romance and thank-yous.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Big Ray here used to be the best...

The Bill Shakespeare of romance cards.

Ah, but he's single now.

His wife left him for...

Harold Lamb.

Oh, I know who Harold Lamb is.

Oh, yeah. So you know the guy

that draws Optimistic Owl.

He knows me.

Ladies, um, do you guys

want to get a booth,

maybe, um,

talk about some poetry?

- Yes.

- Sure!

[Madsen chuckles]

Bro, lose the bitter act.

It ain't gonna get you laid.

Please. Tell me how to get laid.

[Warez]

Drew, turn this up!

In other news today, Governor Speakman

made a big announcement.

Listen up, everybody.

The governor's on.

Today I am pleased to announce

the state of California

will establish a new holiday:

Girlfriend's Day,

an occasion for men,

and women as well,

to tell their favorite lady friend

just how much she means to them.

This was my niece Coco's idea.

We're going to hold a contest

to see who can write

the most romantic card

to initiate the new holiday.

"In an effort to inject new blood

into the failing greeting card industry,

the governor is limiting contestants

to amateurs and...

out-of-work professionals."

That is you, my friend.

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