George Carlin: Doin' It Again Page #5

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goofy half-educated doctor

keeps telling you,

you're doing fine, Jim.

In fact, bring your doctor

a bowel of broccoli,

he's probably got cancer, too,

probably picked

it up from you.

They don't know

what they're doing,

it's all guesswork

in a white coat.

Here, let me have a few more

sips of industrial waste.

Ah,

maybe, maybe I can turn them

cancers against one another.

That's what you got

to hope for, you know,

that you get more

than one cancer

so they eat each other

up instead of you.

In fact, the way

I look at it,

the most cancer you got,

the healthier you are.

Well, I know, some people

don't like you to

talk about those things,

I know that.

Some people don't like you

to mention certain things.

Some people don't

want you to say this,

some people don't

want you to say that.

Some people think if

you mention some things

they might happen.

Some people are

really f***ing stupid.

Did you ever notice that,

how many really stupid people

you run into during the day?

God damn, there's a lot of

stupid bastards walking around.

Carry a little pad

and pencil with you,

you wind up with 30 or 40

names by the end of the day.

Look at it this way.

Think of how stupid

the average person is,

and then realize half of

them are stupider than that.

And it doesn't

take you very long

to spot one of them, does it.

Take you about

eight seconds.

You'll be listening

to some guy, and say,

this guy is f***ing stupid.

Then,

then there are some people,

they're not stupid.

They're full of sh*t.

Huh, that doesn't take

very long to spot, either,

does it.

Take you about the

same amount of time.

You'll be listening to

some guy, saying, well,

he's fairly intelligent.

Ah, he's full of sh*t.

Then there are some

people, they're not stupid,

they're not full of sh*t,

they're f***ing nuts.

Dan Quayle is all three,

all three,

stupid,

full of sh*t,

and f***ing nuts.

And where did he

get that wife of his?

Have you taken a good look

at that Marilyn Quayle?

Where did he get her,

at a Halloween

party or something?

She looks like Prince

Charles, for Christ's sake.

Let me ask you something,

does he actually have

to f*** that woman?

Huh?

God help him,

I wouldn't f*** her

with a stolen dick.

That's my political humor.

People like it

when you're topical.

Oh, some people don't

like you to talk like that.

Oh, some people would

like to shut you up

for saying those things.

You know that,

lots of people,

lots of groups in this country

want to tell you how to talk,

tell you what you

can't talk about.

Sometimes they'll say, well,

you can talk

about something,

but you can't joke about it.

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