Futurama: Bender's Game Page #4

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What is it, already?

What's the cause of your anger?

I guess I would have to say, I hate you.

I'm beginning to understand.

It all goes back to your parents.

-What?

-You have a resentment

because they pushed you

to study medicine,

when all you ever wanted

was to be a song-and-dance man.

(ZOIDBERG HUMMING)

(SOBBING) Why? Why?

I was raised in an orphanarium.

My parents are sewer mutants

who I never even met

until a few years ago.

Then you've got to go to them

and work this song-and-dance stuff out.

Maybe have them cook me nice dinner.

No scallions. I hate them.

-Amy, cancel my appointments.

-Stop calling me.

Bender, please don't get mad,

but I think you might be playing too much

Dungeons & Dragons.

You're absolutely right, Fry.

I almost went insane,

but after this heart-to-heart talk,

-I've decided to quit.

-Really?

Whew! That's a load off my toad.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'm off to slay the werewolf

of Goblin Mountain.

(EXCLAIMING)

On guard, man-wench!

Prepare to cross blades.

(lN MALE VOICE)

You couldn't afford it, honey.

(GRUNTING)

Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure

in the name of the fancy men.

HERMES:
He also left a small pile

of treasure on the living room rug.

Foul dragon, meet thy doom.

(GROANING)

-Would you like a napkin, Doctor?

-Thank you.

Satisfied, Zoidberg?

My relationship with my parents is fine.

Now, hold on, Leela.

Maybe this torture collar is good for you.

What? Ow!

It'll control your temper.

Men like a woman who's not always

slamming their head in the car door.

She's right. That's what first attracted me

to your mother.

So, Leela, I understand your friend here

is a physician,

and I'm not seeing a ring on his claw.

Mom, he's a cockroach from outer space.

(LEELA SCREAMING)

Good, Leela, work that anger out.

Excuse me a moment,

I'm swarming with parasites.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, it's what's-his-name from the surface.

The bi-clops.

Have you seen Bender? He's gone nuts.

Also, smell this milk.

Prepare for a surprise attack.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Someone do something.

I would, but... Ow! Take my collar off.

I can't, I'm still eating.

Help me, Leela.

(GASPING)

I cast upon thee a spell of fireball!

(BELCHES)

(EXCLAIMS)

No.

Not the spork.

Beholdeth, Titanius,

I cast a freeze ray upon you.

(SCOFFS) That's ridiculous.

There's no such thing as a freeze ray.

-What, you mean a cone of coldness?

-Yeah, that.

No! No! Fancy men are defenseless

against cone of coldness.

(EXCLAIMING)

I'm freezing... What?

Bender, no.

When will young people learn that

Dungeons & Dragons

won't make you cool?

Relax, Fry. I'm a doctor.

I'm sure the robot

will be just fine with a little help.

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