Father's Day Page #5

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coming home with me tonight.

OK?

I just want my

dad back, Chelsea.

I know, Twink.

I know.

Come on, let's go.

[Sobbing]

WALNUT:
I'm not invited?

[Shutter clicks]

I don't know what these f***ers

are up to, but I don't like it.

Mark.

You said it, boss.

Answer to your boot, cockshit.

Mark.

What?

I'm sorry.

Can we get back to work?

I would love to.

I meant there's syrup in my

cabin fermenting as we speak.

I thought it was a metaphor.

I thought you were

saying that Chelsea was

Like the good pure syrup

that had started to ferment,

And that you yourself

had soured with old age.

And look, I thought that

in your own spiritual way

You were trying to say that

you didn't want her to make

The same mistakes that you did.

I love you goddammit.

Oh, shoot.

I'm not even

supposed to say that.

I'm going to be doing Hail

Mary's until the freaking

Cows come home.

Gosh darn it.

Gosh darn it.

I'm like a tree, I said that?

Yes, in a way.

Christ.

Oh!

I'm taking you to the airport.

No, John.

Please, take me to my hotel.

I've got a lot of

thinking to do.

OK.

But John, one thing.

You don't call a man a tree.

I know.

I know.

CHELSEA:
Make yourself

at home, Twink.

I've got to wash

that place off me.

Do you want any

help with that, baby?

What is wrong with you?

All right, sorry.

Don't get your f***ing

titties in a twist, babe.

Don't forget whose

house you're in, Walnut.

And don't talk to me like

I'm one of those c*nts

On the corner of 42nd.

Or I swear to God I will turn

your cock into kue basah.

[Scoffs]

Jesus Christ, you'd think

I'd got you pregnant.

What?

Shut up.

You got somebody pregnant?

You sound like

that clit Lauren.

What about Lauren?

F***!

You popped my balls, b*tch.

What about Lauren?

What are you talking

about, Walnut?

She calls me up, tells

me she's pregnant,

She's going to have a kid.

I don't want a f***ing kid.

Look at me.

Oh, my God.

Hey, uh, mind if I

smoke this in here?

Yeah, actually I do mind.

F***!

Oh, no, not again.

CHELSEA:
Don't worry,

Twink, I've got

A flashlight in the kitchen.

No!

Walnut?

Walnut?

Walnut?

WALNUT:
I'm right here, man.

Chill out.

What kind of f***ing

dump did you bring me to?

TWINK:
Did you really

get that girl pregnant?

CHELSEA:
I got it!

[Choking]

[Snarling]

[Screams]

[Erratic breathing]

[Gunshots]

[Screams]

Chelsea, it's Ahab.

Hello?

Chelsea?

[Glass shatters]

[Laughter]

Ahab?

TWINK:
Ahab?

[Groans]

A fish bowl to the

head, are you kidding me?

I'm sorry.

You look like Fuchman.

That son of a b*tch

killed my best friend

Right here in front of me.

OK.

So this here is...

Was his friend Walnut.

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