Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-Off

I was having a sexy soiree.

It's a multilevel marketing

home-based business that I do,

selling Lutheran approved sex

toys to married ladies.

Wow, the excitement is palpable

with you ladies today.

You know, actually can you

hear me without the mic?

- Yeah, just sitting right here.

- I guess so. All right, okay.

All right, sexy soiree

is a Lutheran based company.

These are Lutheran marital aids.

These products

are for marrieds only.

So little bit... and I got to

tell the truth here.

Pauline and I actually

don't use the products.

I was not even allowed

to look at the products.

I'm Sharon Solfest and this

is my sister, Pauline.

I'm Pauline Solfest.

Well, you know,

this is the first time

in the history of the

Van Rookle's farm cook-off,

which started in 1945,

this is the first time

there have ever been

two sisters, both finalists...

We don't like to say competing

- because we're not competing.

- Because we're not competing.

We're... different categories.

And this is the fluffer whip.

Stop that, I'm not married.

My recipe is easy one cupboard

death by chocolate pie.

It's, well, very chocolaty.

It starts off with a delicious

pre-prepared Graham cracker,

chocolate Graham cracker crust.

Then it has, like, a fondant,

like an icing.

- And...

- Smooth.

So smooth.

And then it's a mousse.

It's like a pudding/mousse

kind of a thing.

It's so good.

And then chocolate chips,

regular chocolate chips,

milk chocolate chips,

white chocolate chips,

and then candy.

Butterscotch chocolate chips.

The butterscotch

chocolate chips, thank you.

It'll give you a seizure.

This goes...

You know, pretty much any way

you would want it to go.

- Yeah.

- Do you need, like Novocain

or some kind of topical, uh,

- numbing agent to use that?

- I don't...

You know,

you're a medical professional

so you know more

about that than me.

This is where I work,

at golden minutes

senior day care.

And it's the most fun thing

in the world for me.

- This is Mrs. Burress. -Couldn't

find an orderly all night!

Where was the orderlies?

In your bedroom? Whore!

I get paid

only eight hours a day,

but I stay for 14 sometimes

because I'm having

so much darn fun.

I'm a nutritionist.

I do mostly soft foods

because that's what

they can digest here.

Hey, don't swallow

the whole spoon.

Ah, put it in my... crack a

hole and put it in there.

- In vegetables, no one enters that.

- No one ever wins that.

I thought, "well,

I'll enter my cream corn."

It is cream corn

for the lactose intolerant.

Made with ja-mocha mix,

which is...

You know,

it's non-dairy creamer.

Right, cream corn,

non-dairy creamer.

Those that can't do it,

you know what happens

when you can't digest dairy.

That's a situation...

- well, you know, they have... -that I

would like to leave for the third shift.

This is my life, you know.

I work here 14 hours a day.

I go home and take care

of my dad.

I don't have a lot of time.

I sure don't have a boyfriend.

So my fianc,

Lars Hagerbakke and I,

are very much in love.

Um, we met at the

blue earth community theatre

doing a production of

guys and dolls.

I was adopted into

the Hagerbakke family.

Um, before that, I have vague

memories of my black family.

I remember-i remember looking up

from what must have been a crib

and just seeing darkness and

eyes smiling back down at me.

When I first saw Sharon,

I said, "there is a doll,

there is a living

and walking doll

with all the fluids

that people have inside,

but a doll on the outside."

He talks like that all the...

Give me a kiss.

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