Doing Time on 'The Longest Yard' Page #4

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but there's folks here in the prison

league don't care for me very much.

- You, warden?

- They thought it might be amusing

to schedule the defending

league champs as our first game.

And me? Well, I thought

an old pro like yourself

might have some training-camp tricks,

drills, insights to offer up.

Give us the competitive edge.

All right. Relatively simple.

You need a tune-up game.

A tune-up game?

Yeah. In college, we'd start every

season against Appalachian State

or some slack Division ll team.

Kick the living sh*t out of them.

Get their confidence up.

You know something, Paul?

- You've just given me an inspiration.

- That's great. What?

You're gonna assemble a team

to play the first game against us.

And you, Mr. Crewe,

are gonna be the quarterback.

I don't think so.

Let me tell you something.

In my prison, to get along,

you gotta go along.

I just wanna do my three years

and be done.

Three years is before

you assaulted Captain Knauer.

Now, you could be with us

for a very long time, Mr. Crewe.

Fine, I'll do it.

Good choice.

But one condition, though.

Gotta promise me to keep

Captain Knauer off my back.

It's a deal.

Now, you got four weeks

to assemble a team and train them.

What, are we gonna have a half-hour

a day to practice with a Nerf ball?

Oh, I'll make sure my boys allow you

sufficient freedom, within these walls,

to get your team in shape.

What's this? "Football 'tree-outs."'

What the hell is a "tree-out"?

"Tryout," you half a meatball.

- What's this football thing about, man?

- Crewe's getting a team together.

- To play against who?

- The guards.

Now, I don't know about y'all,

but I occasionally have the impulse

to physically assault one of our

finer correctional officers.

Yeah? Well, how the hell

we gonna get to do that?

Just show up at the "tree-outs,"

you big, dumb b*tch.

Do the girls get to play?

We're playing footballs,

not balls-balls.

This is bullshit. Just another chance

for the guards to beat on us.

Don't you idiots get it? We could get

a free shot at the guards.

This is our turn.

We could beat up on them.

We could kill them.

Kill them.

You know MVP

sold his own teammates out.

What do you think

he's gonna do to you fools?

And that's the truth.

With some cheese on it.

There ain't no meat loaf

between these buns.

Yo, man, that's my flier, man!

I worked hard on it!

You see? He ran like a little b*tch,

right? You saw that, right?

Yo, team needs you.

Team needs you.

You sh-- You come to the tr--

Come to the tree-outs.

Crappy field, sh*t-ass equipment...

Hey, man, at least we got some

world-class players over there.

Forty-five.

Forty-six.

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