Daddy's Home Page #3

You're in the danger zone here,

Brad, and let me tell you why.

Kids that grow up without their dads

always end up obsessing over them.

Most of the hook-ups

that I've had in my adult life

have been with women

that had daddy issues.

I don't know if this is

an appropriate story.

Look, my wife would kill me

if she knew I was telling you this.

Well, then you shouldn't tell me this.

When I met her in Denver...

You're going to tell

the story, aren't you?

...she was a topless maid.

- Ninety-nine bucks an hour.

- Mmm-hmm.

Never met her father.

But who did she meet? Me.

And who did treat her like sh*t? Me.

I eventually loved her,

but every time she got out of line,

I'd just pull the Humvee over

and ask her to get out politely.

And then I'd drive away.

Guess what?

She showed up at home every time.

This story has no relevance

to my situation.

Oh, it doesn't at all.

It's just a good story.

So, Pete, are we going

to hear this guy, or what?

(BEEPING)

(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

The Panda!

I'm sorry.

Keep it up, Brad.

You and I will fight in the parking lot.

BRAD:
So today is the day I'm finally

meeting the father of my children.

Am I nervous? You're darn right I am.

But who wouldn't be? (SIGHS DEEPLY)

And here's the thing.

I mean, Pepe, you know, kids...

...they see through things and,

at the end of the day,

they know who's been around...

Holy balls!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I hope that's not him.

(GULPING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

There is no doubt this man

is your better in every way.

Well, you're kind to say that. Thank you.

Yeah, I feel pretty good.

- Hey, you Dusty?

- Nope.

What?

Are you sure?

Are you Dusty... No, you're not Dusty.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

(ON RADIO) You've got

Jason Sinclair on The Panda,

the station everybody

in the office can agree on.

What is this?

Now if you're up in Wolf Trap this weekend,

do yourself a favor and check out...

(DOOR OPENING)

Hey! Where have you been?

I called you like 100 times.

(SIGHS) I know, my phone died. Look...

This motorcycle, is this...

Yes. He's here.

- He's here?

- Yes.

What's he doing inside there?

He's giving the kids

all kinds of Starbursts.

Starbursts? God damn it!

Sorry. Sorry. (EXHALES)

I'm a hot habanero pepper right now.

I got a few bullet points I want to

bring up with our friend Dusty,

starting with airport etiquette,

courtesy and expectation.

MEGAN:
Oh, good story, Daddy!

You like that story? It's all true. Hey!

Who wants some more Starbursts and

a couple of uncirculated silver dollars?

So you are Dusty.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I sure am. You must be

the new and improved husband.

Bring it in, big guns.

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