Cats & Dogs

Synopsis: A secret war between cats and dogs quickly peaks as Professor Brody a scientist tries to create a serum to cure dog allergies in humans. As the unsuspecting humans go through their busy lives, the cats make several attempts to possess the formula, as their canine foes try tirelessly to stop them. Caught in the crossfire, a young beagle named Lou, adopted by the Brody family, tries hard to succeed as a secret agent, and in being a friend to the young Scotty Brody. A evil snow white cat named Mr. Tinkles is planning to sabotage the efforts of Professor Brody to discover a cure for human allergies to dogs. And he'll even make every person on Earth allergic to dogs so that he can take over the world with his army of evil cats!
Genre: Action, Comedy, Family
Director(s): Lawrence Guterman
Production: Warner Bros. Pictures
  2 wins & 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
87 min

-Morning, Mr. Clark.|-Morning, Hunter.

-Hi, Carolyn. Hey, Scotty.|-Morning.

Scotty, can you get the front door?|And don't drop those eggs.

-Your father needs them for experiments.|-Okay, Mom.

Calm down, Buddy. It's just me.

Buddy, we're home.

Calm down, Buddy. It's just me.


Oh, Buddy.



My beautiful pie.

Bad dog!

Get out, get out, get out!|Out, you animal!

Control here.

We've got a serious problem.

My God. Get the best|doggone agent you can in there. Go!

Gentlemen, a few moments ago|I received word of the gravest nature.

The key agent working the Brody case|has been catnapped.

Although he is safe, we must|replace him as soon as possible.

It appears that once again we find|ourselves threatened... the great cat menace.

We suspect that a rogue feline|is involved in a conspiracy...

... to destroy all we dogs|have worked so hard to achieve.

Therefore, in accordance|with Plan Delta...

... we have assembled|an elite team of agents...

... trained to replace|our catnapped comrade.

At this moment, replacements|are flying in from London.

One will take his place|as the Brodys' pet...

...and guard their home|from cat invasion.

I need not remind you that|the future of man and dog alike...

...depends on the success|of this mission.

Failure is not an option.

The stakes are high.|We have everything to lose.

One hundred million dogs|have placed their destiny...

...squarely in our paws.

-I'll bite your ear.|-Get off me!

-That's my eye you're poking.|-Coming through!

Pardon me. Step aside. Coming through.

Out of the way. Clear the area.

-Not again.|-What is it this time?

I don't think this is a good idea.

I can't believe this guy.

When I pull this rope. . .

What is he doing?

. . .the sack will fall on the pitchfork|and send me out the window. . .

. . .and on the way to freedom,|so step back.

-What is it with you?|-Me? What's with you?

I want adventure. Not wait for someone|to take me to some boring house.

What's wrong with|a family that loves you?

Free food, a warm place to sleep.

And you could go to the bathroom|wherever you want.

Don't you want to do|something exciting?

Like be a police dog!|No?

Or a Russian space dog!|Or sample the great bones of Europe!

Come on, guys.

Oh, forget it.|See you puppies later.

Oh, boy, I can't watch.

This ought to be good.

World, here I come!

Look, he's flying.

No, he's not.

Back from your adventure so soon,|Scooby-Doofus?

Where am I?

What's that?

-Somebody go look.|-You go.

All right! Into the hole!

Let's go! Top-secret operation!|Into the hole!

Double-time!|Into the hole!

I've seen better hustle|on a dashboard Chihuahua. Wag it!

Howdy. Over here!

Down, Clucky!|That's one angry chicken.

Front and center, agents!

Hup, hup, hup!|Go! Let's go, ladies!

Straight line! Ears up! Move it!

Don't make me muzzle you!|Want a chew toy?

-You wanted excitement?|-Sir, yes, sir!

-You wanted adventure?|-Sir, yes, sir!

If you're chosen by the Brody woman. . .

. . .you will be briefed on arrival.|Are you ready?

Sir, yes, sir!

Good luck, men.

These are the cutest beagles|you've ever seen.

Over here.

For God's sake,|don't forget to wag those tails!

They sounded perfect|from what you said.

They're so cute.

They've really changed in size. . .

. . .and color.

And breed.

He is adorable.


And you're going to come home with me.|Yes, you are.

Not good!

Honey? I'll be right there.

Hi, sweetheart.

I have a surprise for you.

A new puppy!

But, Mom, Buddy may still come back.

I'm sorry, hon.|I know that it's been a month.

But remember how happy we were|when we found Buddy?

I bet he's making a new family|just as happy right now.

Look at him.

And your father does need him for work.

You could play catch, you could|play Frisbee and hide-and-go-seek.

Yes. Perfect.

Let me see.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me see.


Standard composition.

Retinal response. . . .

Normal. Proboscis viscosity. . . .

Not too acid, not too alkaline.|All right, immune response.

That's excellent!

That's good! Now. . .

. . .a little protein synthesis and|an electrostatic. . . .

So. . . .

I know. Why don't you name him?

Okay. How about "Loser"?

It's a dog, Mom.

You're not a loser, are you?


We'll call you Lou.

No playing in the good living room.

That carpet is Uzbekistani.|Ten thousand thread count.



Cat person.

Okay, here's the plan:

Get off this patio,|get back to the barn. . .

. . .get a better pitchfork.


I wouldn't do that if I were you.

I like your spirit,|but do me a favor and stand back.

That's my biscuit.

That would've been|the shortest assignment in history.

Where you going?

I guess HQ ain't training|the way they used to.

-Who exactly are you?|-Name's Butch.

What stupid name did the bipeds|saddle you with? Spot? Fifi? Rover?

-Lou.|-God forbid.

Oh, Lou. Sorry.

Is that boy always so grumpy?|Maybe they should switch his food.

Humans can get a little emotional.|You'll get used to it. Come on.

Where's that coming from?


What? It's standard equipment.

EC-three vid-phone, research archive|database, cipher charts, Snausages.

-Hey, what's this?|-Heel!

That's the big button.|You don't just press the big button.


Just try to remember your training.

Let's get started. Here's the skinny:

Your new master's a scientist.

He's been working|on a cure for dog allergies.

It's a big deal. If no one's allergic|to dogs, we'll have the advantage.

This was your predecessor:|Agent 1364, AIKA Buddy.

He was catnapped about a month ago.

Wasn't on top of his game.|He had to retire.

He got a nice condo in Boca.|Lucky dog.

You're here to replace him.

And to keep the cats away|from the formula.

Can't let them near that.|Now, come on.

All right, agent, let's meet the team.


Kid, look over there.

-That's Peek.|-Peek?

I don't get it.

Peek, show yourself.

We got a calico on the corner|of Center and Main....

Oh, my God!

Peek's early warning.

He's got it all. Radar, sonar,|thermo-imaging, odor-matrixing.

He can detect a non-residential cat|from three blocks away.

-Peek, fall in.|-Roger that.

-Sam, what's your 20?|-One-eighteenth of a klick east.

I'm going to backtrack using|a delta approach in three...

. . .two. . .one.

Oh, no, not again.

Where am I?

Over here, Sam.

Request permission to pant heavily, sir.


Boys, I want you to meet Lou.

-Hey, Louie.|-Hey, Lou.


Lou's taking over for Buddy.|He's in the hot seat.

Fresh from the academy, he's|up to date on the latest techniques.

Aren't you, Lou?

You know this one? Here we come.|I got you! Oh, I just missed you.

Holy Chihuahua.

How did this happen?

He accidentally slipped through.

He's still got his you-know-whats!

There's no time, Butch. The puppy|stays. End of discussion. Out.

So tell me, one of you. . .

. . .is the dog out of the way?

Did the puppy fall for my clever trap?

None of you have a tale to tell?

Rate this script:5.0 / 3 votes

John Requa

John Requa is an American screenwriter (with Glenn Ficarra) of Cats & Dogs, Bad Santa and the 2005 remake Bad News Bears. The DVD commentary for Bad News Bears revealed that Requa was to have had a bit role in the film, but it was not shot. Requa and Ficcara directed Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor in their screenplay I Love You Phillip Morris. more…

All John Requa scripts | John Requa Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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