Catherine Tate's Nan Page #3

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Everything all right in here? Yes, thank you, love.

Now, Alfie, we can't have you moving about

if you want those bones setting properly.

Do you understand? Well... Yeah, I know, have a Rich Tea.

He loves 'em!

SHE CACKLES:

It says as long as you never threaten anyone at the council again

the matter is closed. However, if you do anything disruptive,

they will add more hours to your service

and you'll be cleaning toilets this time. Oh. Cleaning toilets this time!

What are you still doing here, anyway?

Why aren't you out with your mates?

Dunno, just chose to volunteer.

Why's that, love? Not much to do after school.

Bullied, are you? No.

Is it cos you're ginger?

No. What, the spots?

No. The smell?

No. Well, you've got to hand it to them bullies, love,

they ain't gone for the obvious, have they?

I'm a bit shy.

There's nothing wrong with shy, darling.

No-one likes a loudmouth.

You just remember...to stand up for yourself every now and again

and don't let anyone push you about.

OK. Now get out there and make me a cup of tea

and do the rest of that washing-up.

Now, what's this?

Is the tap fixed? No, course it ain't, love.

No, use the one in the bathroom.

What we got here? "Hairy Bikers go nuts."

TAP SPLUTTERS What...?

SHE CACKLES:

SHE CACKLES:

Oh! Has that one packed up an' all?

Look at the state of you. It's like you enjoy it!

Come on, I've had enough of all this. Oh!

Come on.

Yeah, it's all right, love, I've learned me lesson.

I ain't going to be no trouble. Go and get us a ticket, Alice, love.

They said if I got any more of that community service lark, I'd have to clear out the khazis.

No, thank ya!

All that hospital food?

People shitting through the eye of a needle?

No fear. No, I have been rehabilitised.

Oh, hello, sweetheart. Oh, hello, Mrs Taylor, how are you today?

Still enjoying my curries?

I 'ave not stopped.

SHE CACKLES What you doing up here, darling?

You looking for a translator?

No. Why would I want a translator?

Would you like a mint?

Happy news. My son is getting married next week

and we want to hire the Community Centre for the party.

Ah! Oh, congratulations, sweetheart.

It's going to be a big wedding, is it?

Well, we're a large family and we want everyone to celebrate, so, yes.

Oh. Oh, that's smashing, innit? Good luck to you, love.

Bye-bye. Ta-ta, sweetheart.

That's all I need, innit?

A wedding! There'll be mobs of people staying up her flat.

There'll be an elephant blocking the corridor for a start.

And you saw what happened on Blue Peter, I mean, who's going to clear that up?!

Not me! I've already done one lot of community service.

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