But I'm a Cheerleader Page #3

I'm not perverted.

I get good grades.

I go to church.

I'm a cheerleader.

I'm not like all of you.

Everyone reads "Cosmo."

Everyone looks at other girls.

All the time.

You only assume that they're thinking

what you're thinking when they look.

But they're not.

Freemont power. Freemont pride.

Be aggressive.

Drive, drive, drive.

Go Freemont!

I thought everybody

had those thoughts.

I just want to be normal.

Then you admit

you're not normal.

So why don't you admit

you are a homosexual?

(voices echoing)

Both:

You hug us way too much.

Hilary:

Step one was easy.

You don't even like to kiss me.

You put your hand up my skirt.

- Homosexual

- I think it's foul.

- Homosexual.

- Homosexual.

- Homosexual.

- Homosexual.

I'm a homosexual.

I'm a homosexual.

I'm a homosexual.

Congratulations, Megan.

You have just taken your first step

in your true direction!

(clapping)

I'm a homosexual.

Okay.

Go on now.

Don't worry, Megan.

It's gonna be okay.

No.

Here. Put these on.

Oh my God.

They were right.

I'm a homo.

Oh my God.

Congratulations on

your first step, pom-pom.

Don't listen to her.

She's just upset

'cause the fish on her plate

is the only kind she can eat.

I can't wait to be straight.

I've always wanted to be.

It's cool to finally talk about it.

I can't tell any of my

friends on the team.

Maybe you have

the wrong friends.

I think we should all be

supporting each other.

Really, princess. Do you

want to start the kumbayas?

Hi Mom.

The flowers are pretty.

I know.

I noticed that we sprung

another leak in the ceiling.

I'd like for you

to get to it tonight.

I'll get to it, Mom.

Jesus.

Ow! I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.

Look.

Not in my presence.

I have told you

over and over again.

No more sipping.

Chug it, like a man.

Go on. Chug.

There.

Try and get to that tonight.

(sighs)

(electronic buzzing,

soft moaning)

Yeah.

Sorry, it's just me.

What are you doing?

AV, what's it to ya?

AV? What's that?

Aversion therapy, stupid.

So what does that mean?

When you have inappropriate

fantasies about girls,

you shock yourself with this shocker.

(buzzes)

So every time you think of them,

you feel that pain.

That's sick.

No pain, no gain, baby.

You want to like dick?

You better start training yourself.

Hey, isn't that Graham's sock?

None of your damn business.

(buzzing continues)

Megan.

You have a phone call.

Hello?

Mother:

Megan, it's Mom and Dad.

We know it's after lights out,

but we miss you so much.

Father:
We just wanted to know

how our little poodle is doing.

I'm doing okay.

You were right,

I am a homosexual.

But I'll be regular soon.

Father:
Oh, that Mary

is pretty good then, huh?

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes