
Blackadder's Christmas Carol
- Year:
- 1988
- 43 min
- 275 Views
Blackadder, Blackadder...
In the reign of good Queen Vic,
there stood, in Dumpling Lane
in Old London Town,
the moustache shop
of one Ebenezer Blackadder,
the kindest and loveliest man in all England.
He's kind and generous to the sick
He'd never spread a nasty rumour
He never gets on people's wick
And doesn 't laugh at toilet humour
Blackadder, Blackadder
He's sickeningly good
Blackadder, Blackadder
As nice as Christmas pud
Humbug! Humbug!
- Humbug, Mr Baldrick?
- Oh, thank you very much.
I 've got all the presents.
And I 've nearly finished the Christmas cards.
Splendid, let me see.
"A very messy Christmas."
Sorry, Mr Baldrick, shouldn't that be "merry"?
All right, but it must be "messy".
Messy cake, soggy pudding,
big wet kisses under the mistletoe.
Yes... I fear, Mr Baldrick,
the only way you'd get a big wet kiss
at Christmas,
or any other time,
is to make a pass at a water closet.
Be that as it may... "A merry messy Christmas."
"Christmas" has an "H" in it, Mr Baldrick.
And an "R".
Also an "I" and an "S", also a "T",
an "M", an "A" and another "S".
And you've missed out the "C".
Congratulations, Mr Baldrick, a triumph.
You're the first to spell Christmas
without getting a single letter right.
I was a bit rushed. I've been helping out
with the workhouse nativity play.
- How did it go?
- Not very well
At the last moment, the baby playing Jesus died.
Oh, dear, this high
infant mortality rate's a real devil
when it comes to staging
quality children's theatre.
- What did you do?
- Got another Jesus.
Thank goodness. His name?
Spot.
There weren't any more children,
so we had to settle for a dog.
I'm not convinced that Christianity
would've established
its firm grip over the hearts of mankind
if all Jesus ever said was "Woof!!"'
It went all right till the shepherds came on.
We weren't able to get real sheep,
so we stuck some wool...
..on some other dogs.
Yeah, and the moment Jesus
got a whiff of 'em, he's away.
While the angel's singing
"Peace on Earth, goodwill to mankind",
Jesus scampers across and tries
to get a sheep to give him a piggyback.
Scarcely appropriate behaviour
for the son of God, Mr Baldrick.
- Weren't the children upset?
- No, they loved it.
Oh, the playful young scamps, eh?
Still what a lovely thought it is,
at this moment, all over the country,
from highest to lowest,
through those charming plump folk
somewhere in the middle,
everyone is enjoying Christmas.
- What are you doing, Albert?
- Nothing.
Oh, yes, you are,
- Tell me what you're doing.
- Nothing!
When you're busy ruling India,
you don't tell me what you're doing.
Why should I tell you when I am busy
wrapping this cushion
for your surprise Christmas present?
Dem! Now I have only
two surprise presents for you.
Oh, dear Alby, don't worry, I don't mind.
I do. I love surprises.
Christmas without surprises
is like the nuts without the nutcracker.
Which is why I have brought you
this surprise nutcracker...
Dem! Dem!
Darling Bobo, don't worry.
Besides, haven't you forgotten something?
- What?
- Our traditional Christmas adventure.
Yes, of course, the traditional
Christmas adventure! Huzzah!
What traditional Christmas adventure?
You silly soldier!
When we disguise ourselves as common folk
and go amongst the people
to reward the virtuous and the good.
Yes, of course, Dummkopf,
how could I forget!
Das ist nicht ausgezeichnet!
It is precisely for such an outing
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Citation
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"Blackadder's Christmas Carol" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/blackadder's_christmas_carol_4216>.