Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Hi. Welcome to the future.

San Dimas, California, 2688,

and I'm telling you,

it's great here.

The air is clean.

The water's clean.

Even the dirt is clean.

Bowling averages are way up.

Mini-golf scores are way down.

And we have more

excellent water slides

than any other planet

we communicate with.

I'm telling you this place is great.

But it almost wasn't.

You see, 700 years ago, the two

great ones ran into a few problems.

So now I have to travel

back in time to help them out.

If I should fail to keep these two

on the correct path,

the basis of our society

will be in danger.

Don't worry, it'll all make sense.

I'm a professional.

I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.

And I'm Ted "Theo..."

- Bill, here, you take it.

- OK.

- And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.

- Yeah!

And we're Wyld Stallyns!

Dude!

Let's bail.

We blew it.

Guess we used too much power.

I liked it.

Ted, while I agree that in time

our band will be most triumphant,

the truth is, Wyld Stallyns

will never be a super band

until we have

Eddie Van Halen on guitar.

Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe

we will get Eddie Van Halen

until we have a triumphant video.

Ted, it's pointless to have

a triumphant video

before we even have

decent instruments.

How can we have decent instruments

when we really don't know how to play?

That is why we need Eddie Van Halen.

And that is why

we need a triumphant video.

- Excellent!

- Excellent!

Uh-oh.

- We're late.

- For what?

- For school, dude.

- Oh, yeah.

Bill, I'm waiting.

He's dead?

So Bill, what you're telling me,

essentially,

is that Napoleon was

a short, dead dude.

Well, yeah.

You totally blew it, dude.

- Ted, stand up.

- Stand up?

Yes, son, stand up.

Now... who was Joan of Arc?

Noah's wife?

Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow,

final report, 1:
30 to 3:30, OK?

Hey, guys.

Mr. Ryan, before you say anything,

my distinguished colleague Ted and I

wish to express to you our thanks

for all the things

we have learned in your class.

And what have you learned?

We have, uh...

We've learned that the

world has a great history.

Yes, and that thanks

to great leaders

such as... Genghis Khan,

Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method,

the world is... full of history.

It seems to me that

the only thing you have learned

is that Caesar...

is a salad dressing dude.

Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.

You have flunked

every section of this class.

Now unless you get an A-plus

on your final oral report tomorrow...

...guys, I have no choice

but to flunk the both of you.

Now you know your topics,

so I would suggest that you at least

cover those areas

if you want to pass the course.

- Understand?

- Yes, sir.

OK.

Guys.

Your report had better be

something very special.

Ah, man.

Well, what are we

supposed to know for our report?

I'm not sure.

One thing I know is that

Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.

Well then, who is Noah's wife?

I don't know, Ted.

But I do know

we're in serious trouble.

Listen to this:

"Express to the class how

an important historical figure

from each of your time periods would

view the world of San Dimas, 1988."

We're in danger of flunking

most heinously tomorrow, Ted.

Hi, Bill.

Want a ride?

Sure, Missy.

I mean, Mom.

- Your stepmom's cute.

- Shut up, Ted.

Remember when she was

a senior and we were freshmen?

Shut up, Ted!

I'll be right back,

as soon as I get my books.

Ted.

What are you doing home, Dad?

- I'm looking for my keys.

- Oh.

You haven't done anything

with them, have you?

No, sir.

I spoke to your principal today, Ted.

He said you're failing history.

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