Big Momma's House

Synopsis: FBI agent Malcolm Turner is known best for being a brilliant, master of disguise. Malcolm's latest assignment sends him to small-town Georgia, where he's assigned to trap a brutal bank robber (and a recent prison escapee) who they suspect will be coming down to visit his ex-girlfriend Sherry and her son. Malcolm sets up a stakeout across from the home of a larger-than-life southern matriarch known as Big Momma, who's about to be visited by Sherry. It's a simple plan, but there's one big problem: Unbeknownst to Sherry, Big Momma has unexpectedly left town. So Malcolm, decides to impersonate the cantankerous Southern granny. Using a few tricks of disguise, he completely transforms himself into Big Momma, even taking on the corpulent septuagenarian's everyday routine-from cooking soul food to delivering babies to "testifying" at the local church. In the mean time, Malcolm starts falling for Sherry, who may or may not be hiding some stolen cash. Now, Malcolm/Big Momma must somehow find a w
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Raja Gosnell
Production: 20th Century Fox
  1 win & 9 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.1
Metacritic:
33
Rotten Tomatoes:
30%
PG-13
Year:
2000
99 min
$492,734
3,323 Views


Ready?

FBI.

- Throw that piece of sh*t in there.|- No, wait.

Sit down and shut up, you old fool.

Ten thousand.

- On... bug-eye boy.|- What?!

Big balls, huh? Big cojones, huh?

- I'll take that bet.|- Ready? And fight!

Y'all never heard of Soul, Korea?

- FBl! Everybody freeze.|- Don't move.

- John!|- A little help down here, please?

No doubt. Are you all right?

I'm just takin' a bath|with Old Yeller down here.

Could you open the cage? I'm a married man.|I'm not used to this much attention.

Satellite TV and a six-pack|do not a full life make.

You gotta understand. I'm not like you.

On the street, I gotta keep it simple.

You know what I mean? I can't have|a family and home out there distracting me.

That's funny.|I couldn't be out there without it.

OK. We've got a live one, people.|Conference room in five.

Oh, Malcolm. Didn't recognise you|with the make-up off. Got the Michaels file?

- Got it.|- Good. Bring it here.

I'm just sayin', on the street I can't have|no distractions. I gotta be ready for anything.

- Nice.|- You too grown for this sh*t, man.

A prison escape leaves one man dead.

Lester Vesco,|serving a life sentence formurder,

has escapedfrom a federalpenitentiary.

He is seen here on security cameras|robbing the Century Union Bank.

- Vesco is extremely dangerous.|- Oh, my God.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

You know, how would you like|to go on a little vacation?

- I don't know. We've never been on one.|- How fast can you get ready?

Ready.

Well, you look ready to me.

Grab your medicine.

Got your seat belt on?

- Yup.|- Let's roll.

Lester Vesco. Not a nice man, people.

Two years ago, he robbed a bank,|popped a guard and the bank manager

and walked out with two million|in cash and bearer bonds.

We got him, but the money|was never recovered.

Twelve hours ago, he killed a prison doctor

and drove out the front gate|in the man's Volvo. Very creative.

- What about the girl from the robbery?|- Lester's girlfriend. Sherry Pierce.

Never convicted. Worked in the bank.

So she gives him access to the vault,

cries on the stand|and walks away with two million large.

Exactly. But we never proved it.

She's pretty smart.|Keeps a low profile, works two shitjobs.

Now it looks like she's in the wind.

So we find her,|we find Lester, we find the money.

- What about this stepbrother in Oakland?|- You and Gallagher take it.

- Get some warrants. Set up a surveillance.|- Great. Malcolm and I can stay here

and hit the phones.

No, no, I've got something special|planned for you two.

Sherry's got a long-lost grandmother|in Cartersville, Georgia.

And who knows, Malcolm? Maybe you'll find|an Armani outlet - by the Piggly Wiggly.

That's all, people.

- There's Big Momma.|- What a classic scene.

Genteel old lady, pruning her roses.

Lord, I done told Sadie about this dog.

Let me catch you here again|and I'll barbecue some hot dog!

- Got it.|- You know what, man?

Erskine and Stoner probably caught|that girl Sherry two days ago.

They just wanted us to sit here|pickin' ticks off our asses.

Nobody's tried to kill you for days.|The stress must be overwhelming.

I'm just here to catch a bad guy.|If it goes down hard, so be it.

If we could get in to plant the surveillance|equipment, we wouldn't be stuck here.

Hey, what do we have here?

Must be one ofthose Southern traditions.|Exchanging baked goods in the street.

Nah, you bring them over.|That's how you meet the new neighbours.

Oh, man.

- Where are you going?|- While she's out, I'll set the surveillance.

Stall 'em.

- Stall them?|- Trust me.

- Malcolm!|- Four and a half minutes.

- Well, how-dee, ladies.|- Hello, neighbour.

Welcome to Maple Drive.|We hope you will come to love...

Oh, shut up and give the man|your dry old Bundt cake so I can go home.

You'll have to excuse Hattie Mae.|Her stomach's not feelin' too good.

I'm Miss Patterson

and this is Miss Other Patterson.

We call her that because she's from|a whole different set of Pattersons.

- My name's John.|- John what?

- Patterson! lsn't that a weird coincidence?|- Yes, it is.

Maybe we're all related.

I used to be married, but not any more.

Oh, Lord. Is she with Jesus?

No. Actually, Jesus,|I think, is how he pronounces it.

He was the gardener.

I caught him spreadin' fertiliser|in the bedroom, ifyou know what I mean.

'Scuse me, honey.|Here's your corn bread. I got to go.

No, you can't! Ladies, it was really a pleasure.

Wait. You can't leave.

Where's this great Southern hospitality I've|heard about, Hattie Mae? lf I can call you that.

I was hoping we could sit in the front porch|and shuck corn, shoot squirrels...

Boy, you ain't right. Did somebody|hook you up to ajumper cable?

When I say I got to go, move - I got to go.

Wait!

I'm not crazy, just a little lonely.|We could spend some quality time together.

Say, you know what I do|when I have an upset stomach?

I jog. Yes! Come on!

It's good when you got the runs.|Come on, me and you around the block.

Listen, either I can go around you, or|I can go through you. Whichever you decide.

Fine.

Sh*t!

- You cannot go in there.|- You're sayin' I can't go in my own house?

No, I'm telling you, you cannot go in there|without giving me a big

Southern welcome.

That's it. A little sugar on it.

If you want a second helping, let me know.

- Cos I got two knees!|- No, I'm good. God bless ya.

- Cos I got to go.|- Yeah. Thanks for the corn bread.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote

Darryl Quarles

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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