Behind the Scenes of 'The Last Remake of Beau Geste'

Director(s): Robert Faber
7 min

The place:
North Africa

The year:

Our story starts right -

- here...

Legion! Legion!

French foreign legion!

Legion! Legion!

French foreign legion!

Legion! Legion!

French foreign legion!

Legion! Legion!

French foreign legion!

We'll give all off - for France...!

We'll break our balls - for France...!

We're scum and we're

but we'll gladly die,

we'd loose all our legs

or at least an eye,

...with great panache - for France!

...and a little in cash..., cash, cash,

cash, cash, cash...

We're all for one - for France...!

To die as one - for France...!

We'll torture and maim,

we will kill and be killed,

...for glory and fame

we are really thrilled...

...we're shoving the schmucks

- for France...!

...and a couple of bucks...

...bucks, bucks, bucks,

bucks, bucks, bucks...

So bring on the Arabs,

with sabers and knives,

...we'll murder the men,

and we'll rape all their wives,

...for Liberty! Freedom!

Nobility! Money!

...and then...

...perhaps for a change,

we'll murder the wives...

...and rape all the men...!

...for France...! For France...!

For France!

This story appears to start

here in the Sahara Desert -

but it really started some

years earlier - in England

Geste Manor

At last!

At last, Crumble!

A son! A boy to carry on

the family name of Geste.


- He shall be a leader of men.

- Men...

- I shall call him "Beau".

- Beau...

- Yes.

- Yes...

- Beau.

- Beau yes...

My boy Beau will be tall

and strong as a tree...

...I know.

- How did that sound to you?

- It sounded like "bye bye, Beau..."

Any news?

Has my son arrived yet...?

Not yet,

but the doctor said any minute.

- Damn blast my sow of a wife, God bless her...

- ...and all who sail in her.

How long does she intend

to keep me waiting?

He's arrived, Sir!

Listen to him crying!

Cowardly little swine.

Is that what he thinks a hero is like?

Bawling like a sissy?

I'll beat some courage into him!

Where are you going Sir?

Out of my way, doctor Crippen!

I want to discipline my son!

- Ahaaa! Before you go in...

...I must tell you...

...I bear both good tidings

and bad tidings.


...your wife is dead.

- And the bad tidings...?

Your son...

...a daughter!

A daughter ?!

I have no requirements

for a daughter!

You incompetent fool,

I gave you precise instructions!

I want a boy!





You could not have picked a

better establishment, Sir Hector.

All my dear boys here,


they practice what I preach.

brotherly love, self denial,

and onto others.

They don't each onto other,

Sir Hector.

You cannot stop the pretty dears.

Now then, Sir Hector, what kind

of a boy was you looking for?

We have all manner here, you know;

high and low degree.

Will you stop that, you

vicious little varmint?!

Now this is a scruffy lot...

...won't do, won't do, won't do...

...and he looks jewish!

I want a soldier, not a dentist!

To be frank with you,

Miss Wormwood,

...I'm looking for something...

...a little more stylish.

You see,

my son has to be a hero.

For the right boy I'm prepared

to pay handsomly,...

...he's got to be tall,


must have an aristocratic bearing,

...and the necessary blue eyes,

...a lad to whom I can confidently

bequeath my own noble features.

I shall eventually need him to

reach a height of six feet one,

And naturally he will be brought up...

...with an english gentleman's

attitude and love of slaughter.

That seems to cover the essentials.

Why, you're wheezing, Woodward!

Let's proceed slowly.

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    "Behind the Scenes of 'The Last Remake of Beau Geste'" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 28 Jul 2021. <'the_last_remake_of_beau_geste'_12280>.

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