Barney's Version

INT. DEN - BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

A tumbler of Scotch. A half empty bottle of Macallan's. A

burning Montecristo cigar in an ashtray.

A hand picks up a telephone and dials.

BARNEY:

I'd like to speak with my wife.

BLAIR (V.O.)

(groggy)

Barney...? It's three in the morning.

BARNEY:

Put my wife on the phone.

BLAIR (V.O.)

She's not your wife and I'm not wakingher.

BARNEY:

Then just ask her what she wants me todo with these nude photos I have ofher. Come to think of it, you mightactually want them if only to see whatMiriam looked like in her prime.

Click. Dial tone.

Barney hangs up, puffs on his cigar. Feeling good. Photos

of him and Miriam strewn over the table. None of them nudes.

CUT TO:

INT. DEN - BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - MORNING

The bottle of Macallan's now empty. The cigar burned to the nub.

An ALARM CLOCK DRONES on and on from the bedroom. It finallygets turned off.

BARNEY PANOFSKY (64), hung over and in his robe, lumbersdown the hallway and to the front door.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE BARNEY'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

He picks up the morning newspaper. Scans the front page.

Something he reads upsets him.

BARNEY:

F*ck.

A SOCCER BALL rolls and stops at Barney's feet.

WHITE 10-23-09 2.

JUSTIN (8) runs up and grabs the ball. He stares up atBarney. Barney stares back.

NEIGHBOR (O.S.)

Justin, come on, we're late.

JUSTIN:

Hi Barney.

BARNEY:

Good morning.

Justin runs off. Barney turns back inside.

INT. KITCHEN - BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - LATER

Now dressed, Barney reads the paper as he finishes his bageland lox. He looks at his watch -- shit, he's late. Dropsthe paper on the table. Puts the dishes in the sink.

INSERT - NEWSPAPER BLURB - FRONT PAGE

"BOOK REVIEW: Detective Sean O'Hearne writes his own account

of the scandal that rocked the city 30 years ago..."

Beside the blurb is an old picture of BARNEY IN HANDCUFFS.

INT. KITCHEN - BARNEY AND MIRIAM'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

He grabs his cell phone and turns it on, then notices theanswering machine.

INSERT - BLINKING ANSWERING MACHINE: 10 MESSAGES.

He presses PLAY, but only listens to the first few words ofeach message before fast forwarding to the next.

ANSWERING MACHINE

(female voice)

Hi dad, I know it's early... hi dad,

me again... where are you... dad,

call meeee...

The next few messages from an angry MALE VOICE.

ANSWERING MACHINE (CONT'D)

Dad, its Michael.... Dad, I knowyou're there... Are you screening?...

Barney turns the machine OFF. Now he can't find his keys.

Scours the house for them. His cell phone RINGS.

BARNEY:

Hello?

WHITE 10-23-09 3.

EXT. STREET - MORNING

INTERCUT WITH KATE (24), Barney's daughter. Walking to herjob as a grade school teacher, carrying a bag and thermos.

KATE:

Daddy, where were you? I've been

calling all morning.

BARNEY:

The ringer was off.

KATE:

Blair had a heart attack last night.

BARNEY:

Really?

KATE:

Really.

BARNEY:

How bad?

KATE:

Minor. He thought it was indigestion.

BARNEY:

Putz.

He finds his keys. Rushes out the door.

KATE:

Dad, it's still a heart attack.

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Barney hurries down the hallway to the elevator.

BARNEY:

That's true. The long term effectsof these things don't often show upuntil later. Impotence is still onthe table.

KATE:

Are you not at all concerned thatyou might have caused this?

BARNEY:

Why would I be?

KATE:

Mom told me about the phone calllast night.

WHITE 10-23-09 4.

That triggers a distant alcohol fogged memory. DING. The

elevator arrives. He steps in.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)