Alone on Valentine's Day! Page #2

Episode #8

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[Morality]:
-laughing- Well, I'm hopelessly crushed.

[Thomas]:
Yeah, wow...

[Morality]:
Look, the main point I wanted to get is that you should try to make them feel special! Don't talk about yourself so much and make sure they feel heard.

[Princey]:
(upset) Not talk about me...

[Logic]:
But then, why would they buy what you're selling if they don't know anything about you?

[Princey]:
Agreed! There is a way to simultaneously make them feel special AND show them how awesome you are!

[Thomas]:
How?

[Princey]:
You find out what might be making their life difficult.

[Morality]:
(almost crying) Yeah?

[Princey]:
And you kill it.

[Anxiety]:
What??

*ping*

[Princey]:
You there! Young maiden, what is burdening your life? Perhaps an evil stepmother? Or a dragon witch?

[Logic]:
A dragon witch?

[Valerie]:
Yes! This dragon witch has been ruining my life!

[Dragon Witch]:
F*ck you, Valerie.

[Princey]:
I SHALL SAVE YOU!

[Thomas]:
Is that a samurai sword?

[Princey]:
-angry yell-

*sword sounds and groans*

[Dragon Witch]:
Ahh, my spleen!

[Princey]:
All saved!

[Valerie]:
You made me feel special! And you are awesome!

[Princey]:
What can I say? I'm a mean spleen stabbin machine.

[Logic]:
(whispering) In no reality would this be a situation.

[Princey]:
And afterwards you do a grand gesture!

[Morality]:
That wasn't a grand gesture?

[Princey]:
You wed them! Will you marry me?

[Valerie]:
Yes! *gasps* (in Spanish) Ay, I have waited for you so long, Tomás... Do you really love me?

[Princey]:
(Also Spanish) I assure you, I love you with all my heart.

[Valerie]:
-sigh- Ay!

[Logic]:
How do you know Spanish?!

[Thomas]:
I don't even know Spanish,

[Princey]:
Look, this is what you gotta do.

[Anxiety]:
There is no way he could do any of that! Besides, weddings are nothing but outdated, expensive pageantry.

[Princey]:
What?!

[Anxiety]:
Plus, the diamond industry is incredibly unethical.

[Morality]:
What?!

[Logic]:
Sure! Have you heard of "blood diamonds"? They--

[Thomas]:
Okay, stop. Don't... You are upsetting him.

[Logic]:
Okay. Well...

[Princey]:
So, we are at a loss for what to do...

[Logic]:
There's gotta be something we haven't thought about!

[Morality]:
I'm feeling all types of bad.

[Anxiety]:
-growls- This whole thing is pointless!

[Thomas]:
Yes! We already know your point of view.

[Anxiety]:
Look, all I'm saying is this just a waste of time! Psyching yourself out over cheap tactics that have never been useful to you before, I mean, seriously, Thomas! In any past relationship you've ever been in, haven't they always developed when you least expected them to?

[Thomas]:
Huh. You actually... have a point.

[Logic]:
You were never actively searching for someone.

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