A Merry Friggin' Christmas Page #3

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This is perfect.

Stop! Don't hurt me!

Don't... don't...

- Dad, you okay?

- I'm fine.

You're welcome, anytime.

You're family.

You okay?

Puba!

Dougie Doodle!

How are you, little bugger?

Everybody get together for a quick photo,

and then we gotta get ready for church.

That glorious song of old.

From angels bending near the earth.

To touch their harps of gold

goodwill to men from

heavens all gracious king.

I really don't know the words to say.

So now I don't have to sing.

Well, of course most of you

remember my wife, Cindy,

and might have known

that when I was in basic,

over by Fort Digs, she ran

off with this Mexican guy,

who played a little minor

league ball for the Wombats.

Pretty halfway decent shortstop.

Anyhow, he got her pregnant,

this Mexican guy did,

so Cindy comes by the

house one day, and goes,

"Hey Nelson, would you mind looking

after the baby for a while?"

And I said, "Yeah,

yeah sure, no sweat."

And anyhow, that was six months ago

and I still got this kid of hers, so.

He don't have a name that I know of,

so I've just been calling him Baby.

But you know, he is

a real, real good boy.

And that's why I want

to name him Boyd,

after my own big brother, who is

just a heck of a good guy himself.

So, I am presenting Boyd Jr.

As a candidate for holy baptism.

Except I figure I'm

gonna call him BJ.

Welcome to the family, BJ.

Dear God, I look around this

table, and I see a family.

I know we're not perfect, Lord God,

even though some people think they are.

We've all got foibles,

peccadilloes if you will.

I'm not gonna name names, Dave;

It's not the time or the place.

Anyhow I just want to say,

thank you, Lord Jesus,

Lamb of God, for bringing

us together here.

And now each one of us is gonna say

something they're thankful for.

- Donna, do it.

- Oh,

I'm thankful little BJ's

christening went okay.

But mostly I'm thankful

we're all here together.

That's a dream for me.

- Skol.

- Skol!

It's a prayer Donna,

not a toast, come on.

- Shauna, you're up.

- Oh. I'm grateful

that through the grace

of our Lord Jesus Christ,

I'm able to forgive all of you for

all the pain you've caused me,

and, thanks to me and

Dave's marriage counsellor,

we are back on the marriage train,

and we are gonna ride it all

the way into the station.

Right?

Well, I got one. I thank God that he

gave me the ability to give 110 percent,

and take first for the WISEA

under-fourteen regionals.

WISEA stands for Wisconsin

Competitive Eating Association.

Rancer ate 27 Johnsonville

brats in five minutes.

- That's a lot of brats.

- Way to go, Rance.

That is... that is really neat.

Let's give it the devil, Rancer.

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