A Birder's Guide to Everything Page #6

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And maybe Juliana's not your

favorite person in the world.

Dad, I really don't

want to talk about this.

Fast-forward. 10 years from now.

Who's gonna care?

She's gonna be your really cool

kick-ass mom.

You gotta look at things

like everything happens for a reason.

- What?

- You know, what might--

"For a reason"?

You know, I shouldn't have

said that.

That's not

what I meant to say.

- What I meant--

- No.

- Bullshit.

- Come on, David.

[ Mom ] I'm gonna catch you.

[ Laughing ]

Here I come.

[ Chattering, laughing ]

You are too fast!

I gotcha!

[ Knocking on glass ]

Sorry I'm late.

Have we confirmed

he knows we're coming? -Yes.

Eric!

[ Rock, muffled ]

[ Continues ]

Timmy. My man.

Eric. My man.

[ Chuckles ] You think I could

grab those keys now?

Oh. Yeah.

The keys. Totally.

Could you go

get them now? -Sure.

You're Eric's cousin?

Yeah.

F-first cousin.

Hmm.

These are--

[ Scoffs ]

These are keys

to a kryptonite bike lock.

Wait. You wanted

to borrow my car?

- Yeah.

- Timmy!

- I'm not going to lend you my car.

- Why not?

For, like,

several reasons.

There are insurance issues that would

not be easy to resolve, to say the least.

I have no reason to believe that

you or any of your friends

are safe and/or reliable drivers,

not to mention Trish and I have plans

to use the car...

to go up to Sheep's Meadow

to hang out and smoke weed.

He does make some

convincing arguments.

- Thank you.

[ Timmy ] Fine!

Well, thanks anyway, Eric.

You're a real cool guy.

P.S. Grandma thinks

you're a communist.

I am a communist.

Bye, Timmy's

little friends.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

I hate him.

If he hadn't DJ'd

my bar mitzvah,

my life would be a lot better

right now, believe you me.

So, is Trish

Eric's steady girlfriend?

What?

Oh! I found it!

[ Groans ]

Ever drive a cabriolet,

Peter?

Absolutely not.

What? You're the only one

with a license.

I'm not driving

a stolen car, guys.

[ David ] It's not a stolen car.

We'll bring it back tomorrow.

He'll just think

he forgot where he parked it, right?

Come on, man. This is your chance

to not be a total p*ssy.

You can impress

an actual girl.

It's exciting.

Ellen?

I think Peter should do

what he wants.

But, yeah,

I-I would be impressed.

Very impressed.

Thanks.

[ Tires screech ]

[ Horn honks ]

[ POP:
Man singing ]

[ Horn honks ]

[ Ellen snickers ]

[ Timmy ] Peter, just merge!

You have no idea what kind

of pressure this is. No idea.

Okay, well,

you don't have to spaz.

Are you gonna

keep it under 35? -Yes.

I am.

That's probably

more dangerous.

Timmy?

Holy sh*t.

What is this?

Is that crack cocaine?

- I have no idea. Maybe.

- "Maybe"?

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