A Ballerina's Tale Page #4

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or a more stocky dancer

as someone

who looks like a fairy,

then you're not going

to be casted in that role,

which is like,

"Well, who defines

what a fairly looks like?

Isn't it a mythical creature?"

I wouldn't go in the sun

when I was little.

I... when I was dancing, I was,

"No sun.

"You can't get...

you can't get any sun,

'cause you have to be

as pale as possible."

Like, that was...

that paleness is so...

was such a big thing.

The aesthetic of the body

is so important in ballet,

and there's... you know,

I think George Balanchine...

and forgive me if I'm,

you know, not...

I'm not gonna quote him,

but I believe George Balanchine

said something to the effect of,

"You know, the skin of a dancer

should be that

of a freshly peeled apple,"

and I'm not that.

I turn more into, you know...

I'm the shade of a chestnut

come summertime.

So we got to figure this out.

Every dancer that goes

through the process

the way I did,

through the school,

through the company,

you audition,

you're a snowflake

for "Nutcracker,"

and you...

you're selected

after you do a season

of "Nutcracker,"

and then you get

into the company.

In my case,

that was not the case.

I saw my friends...

It was like my car was going

five miles an hour

and everyone else was going,

you know, 75.

And I saw my friends

just getting into...

into the company, you know?

They were all snowflakes,

and I was sitting

on the sidelines melting...

my spirit melting,

my esteem melting.

I had done all this hard work,

and why wasn't I a snowflake?

I look upon ballet

the way I look upon

the symphony orchestra.

They are some

of the last bastions

of white supremacy.

And what's interesting is,

if you would talk

to these artistic directors

of these ballet companies

or the conductors of the...

they... they don't know.

That's the problem.

They don't realize that they are

at the service of...

they are the lackeys of racism.

I feel like a lot of the time,

what I'm being judged on

is my aesthetic,

and it may not be said,

but I feel like I just...

a lot of the time, I don't think

that the classical ballet world

will ever accept me

because I'm something different.

What you're

looking for in ballet

is assimilation

and uniformity, okay?

Even for a soloist

who's doing a solo,

I mean, it's kind of

still in this uniform.

It's not...

I hate to say it,

but I don't feel like ballet,

even with

the best of choreography,

is so much about

individual creativity

or showing the individual.

That's an issue

for black ballerinas

in terms of, like,

fitting into the mold,

you know, fitting into the box.

I think that people

do make judgment

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