9\11

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(somber music plays)

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday

to you

Happy birthday,

dear Chantelle

- Oh, so pretty.

- That's right.

Happy birthday to you...

Let's go up a bit.

Youuuuu!

- (Chantelle laughs)

- FATHER:
Tickle Monster!

Ah, it's your birthday,

Chantelle.

Dada love you so much,

so much.

You look so cute.

Happy birthday, love.

Oh, man. All right,

I gotta go, I gotta go.

It's so hard.

Let me get out of here.

Go, all right, bye-bye-bye.

Okay, bye.

Well, it's somebody's birthday!

- Mmmm!

- (Chantelle giggles)

(easy-listening ballad

in background)

Hmm.

Oh!

Today...

today Mommy gets

her life back.

(dog grunts)

Yes, wish me luck. Mwah!

Ahh!

Don't miss me too much.

(door opens)

COOK:
Yo, three's up!

WAITRESS:
There you go.

- METZIE:
Hey, Nicki.

- Hey!

Hey! So, did you open

the envelope?

Hmm, we decided that we're

gonna be surprised.

Well, you know,

in the old days,

you didn't have a choice,

you had to wait.

- It was a very long time ago, but...

- (giggles)

- What?

- I can't make it to the baby shower.

So I thought I would

bring this to you.

Well, thank you.

Karen, you got her coffee?

- KAREN:
Sure do.

- NICKI:
Thank you.

- Have a really good time.

- Thank you, I wish you could be there.

- Me too, me too.

- KAREN:
There you go, miss.

Thank you, darling.

All right, kids, bye.

MAN:
Jeffrey, I'm sure you're

aware, there's no smoking in here.

I used to have three floors

in this building.

You got an ashtray?

You see?

I can be reasonable.

MAN:
Good.

Well, are we or are we not

going to execute

this divorce agreement today?

Can I... can I please just

have a moment with my wife?

Seriously?

(sighs)

So this is what you

brought us in here for,

eight o'clock this morning,

go through this again?

Come on, Lloyd.

We're talking

about 17 years.

What's one more day?

(sighs)

Give us a moment.

It's okay.

LLOYD:
All right,

it's your call.

Mr. Cage, I highly

advise you to, please,

not blindside us with

something we can't fix later.

MAN:
Come on,

you heard the man.

LLOYD:
Give them the time.

- We'll be outside.

- Thank you.

- EVE:
Really, Jeffrey?

- (door closes)

You're gonna do this

in the ninth hour?

It's the eleventh.

What?

You're supposed to say the

eleventh hour, not the ninth.

Are you kidding me?

Is this some big joke

to you?

Come on, you used to

love my sense of humor.

Yeah, you used

to be funny.

Don't... don't make me do

the weekend dad thing,

please, Eve.

My God, Jeffrey, you hardly

spend time with J.J. as it is.

You were away for business

when he was born.

You were in Toronto

when he took his first steps,

in Hong Kong when he said

his first words,

in San Francisco

for his first day of school.

Shall I continue?

Rather you didn't.

All right, so then sign

the damn papers

and let's get on

with this.

Why do you think

I work all the time?

I do it for him,

I do it for us.

Jeffrey, there is

no more "us."

Then why are you still

wearing your ring?

Bad habit.

MAN (on radio):

Hey, Eddie, you there?

Copy. It's Stu. Pick up.

(falsetto) No, man,

this is Eddie's sister, Edwina.

How are you?

Sammy up on the 35th is having

trouble with his lock again.

Can you see what's going on?

Copy?

He's having trouble

with the lock,

or did he forget

his damn keys again?

Man, don't bust my balls.

Bring your tools just in case.

Oh, and the toilet on 43rd

is having issues.

Come on, buddy,

are you kidding me?

I just unclogged

that yesterday.

Well, you're gonna have

to unclog it again. Copy?

Yeah, funny.

You know, I promise you, I'm gonna

take a picture of whatever I find,

I'm gonna send it to your ass.

Get back to me when your sh*t

don't stink, amigo.

Yeah, right, when my sh*t don't

stink, when my sh*t don't stink.

One cup of coffee.

One cup of coffee.

(speaking Spanish)

WOMAN (on TV):

Now we have a camera.

Katie back now,

thank you so much.

Good morning, everybody.

For the second time

in two weeks, the U.S. has lost

an unmanned supply plane

over Iraq.

Whoo! Well...

You know how sometimes you just

don't want to get out of bed?

- MAN:
Yep.

- That was me today.

- Whoo! Sorry.

- MAN:
You're late.

I know I'm late.

Everything okay?

- MAN:
Yep.

- I don't have to think about anything?

- MAN:
No.

- All right.

(sighs)

(mutters):

Good, good, good.

Nice.

METZIE:

Alright.

I see you.

What are your guys now?

Oh, I think my Mets

are 71 and 73.

We're almost playing

.500 baseball.

Hmm. My Yanks are

85 and 57.

When you gonna come over

to the pinstripes?

When you pay me

my hundred dollars, honey.

Ooh, okay, that'll be

tomorrow.

- Uh-huh.

- Right after I hit the trifecta in the sixth.

METZIE:
Okay, Scarlett.

Actually, you sounded

more like Annie.

Tomorrow, tomorrow,

I'll pay you tomorrow

- EDDIE:
I've heard of her.

- METZIE:
Mm-hmm.

(Metzie scoffs)

Mm.

Ha ha ha! Look.

It's Captain Crapper.

(chuckles)

Heh heh heh!

You're lucky I'm a little out of

shape, don't kick your ass, Charlie.

A little?

- Your body ain't seen a push-up in 20 years.

- Try 25, Frankie.

Oh, my mistake.

Hey, we still on

for Thursday?

You gotta ask?

Have I ever missed

poker night?

Poker? What about

pizza night?

I'm at pizza night, you know that.

Are you kidding me?

You know I'll show up

to that anytime.

(chuckles)

- Frankie.

- Yeah.

You wanna hold this

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