3 Geezers!
1
Yo! What up, dawg?
Yo, yo, yo,
diggity, yo!
Yo, yo, yiggity-yo!
Yo, yo, yiggity-do.
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
Yo-yo?
Oh, yeah, yeah, you better check yourself
before you wreck yourself, because
that girl ain't nothing but trouble.
Listen, this cock-a-doodle
do not do it that way.
This cock-a-doodle-do
don't doodle-do that way.
This cock-a-doodle-do
don't do that way.
Geez, Peaches...
shut your fuckin' pie-hole.
Listen, home-skillet,
I need some chedda',
to take my girl out,
candy slack.
uh, that, uh...
The scene is about...
a girl and a...
I think it's a comedy about a bunch of older cockers
in a retirement home, that's what it's about.
Hi, my name is J Kimball,
I'm an actor.
Hopefully, you actually knew that already,
otherwise, uh...
I don't know... have a little
chat with my agent, I guess.
Recently, I was asked to play a character...
who ages into his mid-80's, in a new comedy
which I think is entitled "Do Not Not Resuscitate."
So, I gave it a good read, as I always do, and uh...
it's terrible.
Terrible.
The dialogue is bland, the
characters are under-developed,
the plot... a piece of crap.
Honey?
- Then I had a second thought.
- Are you ready to go?
Did I mention that it was
written by my brother-in-law?
My darling wife's adorable baby brother?
Turn that thing off.
- I'm working.
- You haven't seen her in 6 months.
Honey, I'm busy here.
- You promised.
- Your project.
Your mother!
Just let me... give me...
So I got a choice.
I can do the movie, or...
suffer the consequences.
You married guys know
what I'm talking about.
Obviously, I'm doing the movie.
And, since I have no idea what
it's like to be 85 years old,
I'm gonna need to do more research than usual.
The only question is,
am I gonna do that research
where my mother is,
at the Nancy Gaye...
Why-the-hell-don't-you-visit-me-more-often
Nursing Home...
or... at The Coconuts Convalescent Home,
conveniently located across the street
from my favorite casino?
Shuffle up and deal.
This is for your own personal use, correct?
Yeah, yeah. I always like to do research,
makes the characters I play more real
for me, you know?
And hopefully for the audience as well.
It's, uh... usually just gonna
be Bob here, y' know,
couple of guys on the crew.
Em, sometimes I'll just shoot myself,
and sometimes we'll both shoot, at the same time.
They're.. they're non-union.
Oh. Good.
Though I am happy to sign a
release, or a contract...
No, that won't be necessary.
Uh, so tell me... how
long have you been the
Activities Director here?
At The Coconuts? Well, uh,
I haven't always been an administrator.
Life... is but a walking shadow.
A poor player that...
struts and frets...
his hour upon the stage,
and then...
is heard no more.
You're an actor.
I'm between roles.
Oh, now, I know how that goes.
When was your last gig?
November.
- Well, that's not so...
- 1998.
Listen, what I...
just really wanna
kinda get out of all this, is uh...
an overall feel for
what it's like here
for the old people.
You know? Um, do they get visitors?
Do they get exercise?
Uh... What gets them up?
In the morning, you know?
And, indeed, can they still...
get it up?
How do old people get around?
Well, first off...
we don't like to call them
"old people."
They're just people,
like you and me, only
old.
- I can't find my glasses!
- They're on top of your head.
Oh, they're on top of my head.
You didn't mention how long you will be with us.
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"3 Geezers!" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 10 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/3_geezers%21_1678>.