You're Not You Page #2

Alright, this woman

is a nightmare.

She's not a nurse.

How can I trust you'll be okay with her?

Maybe she'll actually

listen to me.

Look, will you please

let me take care of this?

I promise you

I'll make it work. Okay?

Okay?

Bec. Bec, could you please

cut on the cutting board?

Oh, cool.

So, uh... ALS patients live, like, what?

Two to five years?

How long you been sick?

You don't put the broccoli

stems in the blender.

Just the flower heads.

Don't worry,

I'm not trying to calculate

when I'm gonna need to get

another gig.

Just curious where you are

on the timeline.

Um, a year and a half.

That's what gets me

about this disease.

Your mind stays

so f***in' sharp,

while your arms and your legs...

Oh, no!

Turn it off.

Turn it off. Turn it off.

Okay. First time

for everything.

Okay, cool.

Hey, no rush.

I'm just gonna be...

right here.

- Take your time.

- Bec, I'm going to need some help.

- Uh...

- Getting on.

And I'll need

some assistance after...

...wiping.

What's funny?

It's just this thing

that my roommate Jill says.

She'd rather have cats

than kids,

until kids learn

how to sh*t in a litter box.

Oh, God, you're probably

like a nice...

no-swearing,

no-sex-on-Sunday Baptist...

What I am is a grown woman

who needs help using the bathroom.

Okay, I am

pulling your pants down.

And here go...

your underwear...

Can you skip the commentary?

Okay.

- Why is this thing so f***ing low?

- Bec, your language.

I am unfurling the...

toilet tissue.

Harder please.

What?

Wipe harder, please.

No problem.

Okay, I'm lifting you up,

pulling up your pants...

for you...

Sh*t. Are you okay?

That wasn't even the worst part.

The worst part... was that

she didn't even get mad.

Like, she just sat there with this perfect

tight smile on her face.

Quiet freak out, way worse.

She needs to chill.

Here's to... yet another day

of finding something new I suck at.

Hey, superstar, you're up.

Please don't bomb this.

- You got this, Bec.

- I got it.

- You got it.

- I got it.

- You got it!

- I got it!

Yeah, she don't got it.

Whoo!

Hi.

Uhh... I'm Bec...

...and uh... it's really cool

to be here at Dirty Barry's.

And now it's just me. Okay.

Get off the stage!

- Give me one second.

- Next!

Why do I keep doing this

to myself?

Did you know that Janis,

Elvis and Waylon

all freaked out

on that very same stage?

- I'm Wil, by the way.

- Why can't I just stop?

Speaking of which...

You do know that banging

your professor is a cliche, right?

We do not bang. We exchange

ideas - naked, in bed.

Is she always that...?

Yeah, it's not just you, dude.

- Okay.

- That's a nice work coat.

I don't know why I...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes