Wild Child Page #3

You're actually lucky

that you don't have it.

It's called popularity.

Hey, get up.

Wait for Mrs. Kingsley

and the prefects.

Screw them.

That's physical abuse.

I'm calling my lawyer.

With what?

Well, hello, Freddie.

How kind of you to grace us

with your gorgeous presence.

And cue Harriet in

three, two, one...

- Subject's moved

in on target.

And we have contact.

- Walk, Annabelle.

- Walk, Annabelle.

I love that Freddie's

always here...

at the beginning of term.

Such a perfect welcome back.

- So, who is Freddie?

- Mrs. Kingsley's son.

Devastating heartthrob.

Won't look at any of us

since he got caught...

playing doctors and

nurses with a girl...

in the third grade

when he was 11.

Massive hoo-hah.

- They're not

together now, though.

'Cause of her massive hoo-hah?

No. Fraternizing is forbidden.

Here you go.

- I can't eat this.

- Anorexia or bulimia?

Because if it's

bulimia we'd rather...

you didn't eat other

people's birthday cake...

on their birthdays.

It's such a waste.

Actually, I'm a pescetarian

Monday through Wednesday,

fruitarian Thursday

through Sunday...

and vegetarian always.

For what we are

about to receive...

Amen.

- Get out of the way.

Hey, watch the

shmere, girlfriend.

Two hundred goats

died for this.

We meet again. How sublime.

Learn the rules.

When it comes to right of way,

there is a hierarchy.

Teachers, prefects, scholars,

dogs, vermin, Americans.

Kate? See to it

she falls in line.

What is this place? Hogwarts?

- Bedtime, girls.

- Night.

The correct school

uniform. Wear it. Bed.

Poppy Moore, bed. Now.

Right.

Translation today, everyone.

So, PDF, pretty damn

straightforward.

Ergo, which means?

Anyone? Ergo?

- Oh, Mr. Nellist.

- Yes, Drippy.

- 'Er, leave'?

Luddite. No, it means

therefore, Drippy.

Therefore, you'll

probably finish early,

which means that you'll

have lots of time...

to ask me questions

about my trip...

to Champagne with

my girlfriend.

Now, sadly, my ex-girlfriend.

Though she was my

girlfriend at the time.

Put the headphones on, please.

Hi, guys. You don't happen...

to have any eyebrow

tint, do you?

No.

Do you guys have

any eyebrow tints?

Apparently, California

girls wax their bums.

What? Why?

To look Brazilian.

Makes it more attractive.

If you say so.

- Do you think she's done it?

- Hundred percent.

She's definitely done

the missionary...

and almost certainly

the Lebanese fulcrum.

- I can tell.

- How?

From the angle of her hips.

Can I help you?

- Is there a problem?

How many boys

have you shagged?

Well, there was

Brandon, eight-pack.

Chase, jock.

Tyler. Bajillionaire. Derek.

He was Kelly Slater's cousin.

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