Virginia Page #3

Stayin' away from you.

I had a religious revelation.

A conversion or whatever.

To what?

Bornagain Baptist.

They say you're a cult member.

And you drink blood and crap,

and you think you're gonna

live forever in outer space.

Don't believe everything

you read on the Internet, jerk-ass.

Here you go.

If you can believe in a Jesus,

I can believe in a Jesus.

Yeah, well, my Jesus

is better than your Jesus.

Prove it.

Convert me.

I'm ready to meet your Jesus.

We used her dad's cash

and my employee discount

to buy a large pizza

and ride the new Revolution

I figured if he got my mom,

it was only right I got Jessie.

Get in here, Em!

There's a lady out there

poundin' down my door!

I'm busy. Just tell 'em to go away.

She just doesn't like it if I'm not around.

She was okay without you before, right?

When we were little?

Nowadays she's better when I'm here.

Hey, where did the Lamanites

get all that gold from?

Virginia? I know you're in there!

She's not here!

Honey, I got the cough syrup.

That was our deal.

I get the cough syrup, you let me in.

Now, Virginia...

you need some medical treatment.

Nobody's gonna hurt you.

It's just some tests.

Tests, fests, rest with the best.

Right. Well, I've gone ahead

and reserved your room.

And they're gonna admit you on Monday.

Oh, no, no. You can't do that.

- Hell, I can.

- Miss Nicholaus.

Now, Miss Nicholaus! Listen...

You don't worry about me.

I'm a good Mormon woman!

God'll look after me!

Miss Nicholaus,

I am asking you nicely,

you give me... give me that cigarette!

- Hell, no!

- You get down off that table

and you give me that cigarette!

Because if you don't,

I'm gonna have you forced

into that hospital!

None of you and your tricks

can keep me from leaving, you got it?

You come back here,

I'll rip your f***ing eyes out!

I am coming back!

And I'm bringin' reinforcements!

And I will drag you out of there

by your teeth!

"'Mama Ou," ' you ain't, b*tch!

After my grandma died

in a huntin' accident

and my grandpa got locked up

for robbin' houses,

my mom didn't say a word

for, like, two years to nobody.

She just sat in a psycho ward for kids

up in Atlantic City.

They called it

"traumatic onset of schizophrenia".

The put her on all kinds of pills and probes

tryin'to get her to talk again, but...

...it didn't work.

The only good thing they ever did

was give her a big ol' black nurse

named Willie.

He took her along on his donut breaks.

He's probably the only man

who ever really loved my mom

without f***in' her up any.

Put 'em up!

Get away from that door.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Let's say it's a birthday present.

Oh, my God.

- Is it real?

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