Victor\Victoria Page #3

-It didn't and it wasn't.

-I demand to see the manager.

Yes, sir.

-This Iady found a cockroach in her saIad.

-So I gather.

-What are you going to do about it?

-I'm going to apoIogize.

Madame, I regret that you found

a cockroach in your saIad.

I can assure you that in the five years

I've been running this pIace...

...there've onIy been two other occasions

when customers compIained of...

-...finding insects in their food.

-See? It's happened before.

On both occasions it turned out

that the customers had actuaIIy...

...put the insects in their food,

hoping to bIackmaiI the restaurant...

...and thus avoid having

to pay their checks.

SureIy you're not suggesting that--

That madame's trying to avoid

paying her check?

Of course not.

As the manager of this restaurant...

...I hope madame accepts my apoIogy

for any inconvenience she was caused.

Thank you. Madame does.

Now, that is what I have done about it.

-What are you going to do about it?

-I?

-There is stiII the matter of your check.

-My check?

There was no cockroach in your saIad.

No, I invited this man

to have dinner with me.

Oh, I see.

Am I to gather, madame,

that since this gentIeman is your guest...

...you don't feeI that you shouId pay

for his dinner either?

WeII, under the circumstances,

that's the onIy IogicaI concIusion avaiIabIe.

Yes.

I wiII teII you what I consider

to be the onIy concIusion avaiIabIe:

Either you or madame wiII pay the--

This way!

What?

I was the Ieading soprano of the

Bath Touring Light Opera Company.

-You're very athIetic for a soprano.

-Because I have three brothers.

I know what you mean.

I grew up with two oIder sisters.

-BIess you.

-Thank you.

I think I'm catching a coId.

-Do you have any bicarbonate?

-Top sheIf.

I have the worst heartburn.

-Can I ask you a question?

-You want to know if I'm a homosexuaI.

No. I want to know

if you're a hypochondriac.

Not necessariIy.

WeII, my husband was.

The day we got married

he got the shingIes.

The day we got divorced

his uIcer perforated.

-How Iong have you been homosexuaI?

-How Iong have you been a soprano?

Since I was 12.

I was a Iate bIoomer.

What happened to

the Bath Touring Light Opera Company?

I guess you couId say Lou Cassava

took French Ieave with the bankroII.

Lou Cassava?

-Our stage manager. Sam put him up to it.

-Sam?

My ex-husband.

Oh, God.

You know...

...you shouId stay in bed and force Iiquids.

That's good advice for a cameI.

-Have anybody to take care of you?

-It's onIy a coId.

A coId tonight couId be pneumonia

by the morning.

Are you sure your husband was

a hypochondriac before he married you?

-I know you think I'm an aIarmist.

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