Up Periscope Page #3

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Oh, no.

Report back to the boat immediately.

Now, of course, sir. Phil, sir.

You and I know

this is just a pleasant little joke.

We will end up on land tomorrow,

each in our own little wiki

with our own gorgeous little hangover.

Oh, well, come on. Say we will.

I wish that's how it was, Pat,

but that's not how it's gonna be.

Let's move it, men!

- You're not gonna do this to me again.

- Let's go!

Malone, do you really have to go?

- Please don't leave us.

- What about our dance?

- Now, girls, girls.

- Oh, no.

Let's face this situation

with a brave little smile.

- Come, children.

- But, Mr. Malone, you promised.

Patrick Malone always keeps his promises,

one way or the other.

And now I've saved these up.

Lieutenant, sir, be my guest.

They're all paid for.

- Well, thank you, Ensign.

- You're welcome.

Well, girls, goodbye.

Mui-Mui.

Oi-Oi.

Moy-Moy.

Well, goodbye.

- Aloha, Mr. Malone.

- Aloha, Mr. Malone.

Yeah, aloha.

- Aloha.

- Aloha.

Well, now, girls, gather around.

That's better, isn't it?

Let me see.

- Moy-Moy.

- Oi-Oi.

- Now, well, that doesn't matter, does it?

- No.

Well, now.

Can I have another Scotch, please?

Easy.

Mr. Malone!

- Yeah!

- Last one!

- Secure all the loading hatches, York!

- Aye, aye, sir.

Torpedoes are all loaded.

Food, fuel, and supplies are all checked in.

Good.

Now we sit and wait

for our passenger to show.

Yeah, if this passenger service works out,

you suppose we'll get the mail contracts?

Wow.

There's a sewer pipe I'd give up

a month's leave

and a little black book

full of telephone numbers to serve on.

Well, you could do worse

than the Barracuda, Pat.

Sure, Phil. I could get a transfer

to the Monitor or the Merrimack, too.

It must be a sweet feeling

coming home with your

keel chalked up and tubes empty

and letting them know

that you swept a lot of dirt to the bottom.

Now, us. Wouldn't hurt a fly, us wouldn't.

We'll be waving a broomstick of our own

one of these days.

Yeah, and I can tell you from where.

I think you made your point clear,

Mr. Malone.

Yes, sir. I'd better double-check

those water lines, sir.

Hey, Peck, Gruber!

Give him a hand on that number four line!

Well, well, well.

Lieutenant, so you're our passenger.

Hello, Malone.

And what did you do

with my wine, women and leis?

- They were expendable.

- They were what?

Expendable.

I'm looking for the duty officer.

Lieutenant, sir,

you're looking at the duty officer.

I'm also the assistant communications

and sound officer,

the assistant

to the assistant approach officer,

the assistant engineering officer,

the assistant diving officer,

the assistant gunnery and torpedo officer.

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