Try Seventeen Page #2

...couldn't we have a conversation...

...where you didn't dredge pall the footnotes of your ancestry?

What if I called your father a footnote?

Just don't call him a manipulative son of a b*tch.

I'd hate for us to agree on something.

I think my own father would like to know where I am, what I'm doing.

It's late. You probably have school tomorrow. Jones?

Don't you dare-- Jones? Well, son of a--

B*tch.

I have done something to make you angry?

No, not you.

Yes, indeed, Mr. Jones.

A happy bed makes for a happy home...

...and Mother here is going to show you just how happy a home can be.

-My bed hasn't been delivered yet.-Just you leave everything to me.

I'd have called first if I had that number.

Yes, indeed, Mr. Jones.

Get comfortable, Mr. Jones.

Oh, Jones, you area handsome devil!

Oh, my. Yes!

Let me feel how happy you are!

Mr. Jones, you're a happy daddy now.

Kinky! Wild!

Mr. Jones. Rough, just like your daddy was.

Jones!

Damn.

Jones!

No, don't!

-One, two....-No!

Boy, there's something you probably ought to know.

You got sh*t-wipe sticking out of your fly.

-Don't. Please.-One, two--

Freeze.

Put it down, fellows. Nice and easy.

We can't very well do nothing, being as we is frozen and all.

Bad joke, daddy-o.

One more and I blow your little sisters best friend right out of your trousers.

Think they treat all customers that way?

-No, you're just lucky.-Lucky you were there.

-There, that's all of it.-Wow.

If you hadn't shown up, I don't know. Let me get you a beer.

"Freeze." The looks on their faces.

-Hi, Brad.-Who guessed they could be polite?

-You go easy on him.-Okay.

Easily the most exciting thing Ive ever seen in real life.

-Hi.-Hi. Where is...?

Gone.

Look. Now you can stay.

-You want a beer?-I'm going to have to take a rain check.

-I have lines to learn.-You're an actress?

-The female lead.-Wow.

Besides, I still don't know where I would sit.

Are you sure that's clean?

Your stalker has furniture.

Hi.

You okay?

Yeah, sure. How are you?

Great couch.

Dear Dad:
I'm settling into apartment life just fine.

Dear Dad:
I'm settling into apartment life just fine.

I know it was more your stiletto move around a lot, place to place...

...but I think I'll stay right here for now. And why not?

It seems like every time I turn around, I make new friends.

Jiminy! Let's get!

Oh, I'm coming, I'm coming!

Come on! Come on, baby!

No, no, darling, theyve waited long enough. Ive waited.

Oh, how I've waited for you.

Each day a lifetime centuries longer than the day before it.

And it would've been....

Would've been....

Almost bearable.

And it would've been almost bearable...

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