True Memoirs of an International Assassin Page #2

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But I'm definitely not selling.

Uh, I'm confused.

Your book.

Can you meet me at work tomorrow?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

[Sam] So, this is your office?

Offices are for a**holes.

- I work in the cloud.

- Oh...

- Okay.

- I wanna publish your book.

- You do?

- And I'm not changing a word.

- Are you being serious?

- Yeah. I just need for you to sign first.

- Use your finger.

- [stammers]

Okay, I should probably have my attorneys

take a look at this and then...

[chuckles] You don't have attorneys.

That is sweet that you made that up.

I have your best interests at heart.

When would this come out?

Soon as you sign. Virtual publish.

- Like Amazon self-publish.

- Amazon self-publish?

That is amateur hour. This is big time.

- You heard of Twilight?

- You published it?

If I published Twilight,

I wouldn't be talking to you.

This is how the next Twilight's

getting published.

Okay. Know what?

Maybe this isn't the best fit.

I'm not saying that. Sorry.

- Look, please sit down. I'll sign.

- Initial there.

And there. One more there.

I was wrong, one more.

And sign there.

Skinny Chai tea.

- Oksana?

- Oh, that's me.

- Skinny?

- Oksana?

Oh, yeah, I never use my real name. This

place is a den of wannabe writers. Ugh.

So, I'll send you the proceeds,

less my commission,

and congrats,

you are a published author, my man.

[Kylie] All right.

[Sam]

You're talking to a published author.

Online, Mom.

I sent you the website.

Yes, they know about it.

Mom, I'm not gonna get fired.

I'm not gonna lose my benefits, Mom.

It's... Can you...?

Would you please look at the site?

What do you mean, it's not there?

Come on, Ma, it's right here.

It's under...

Nonfiction?

[Sam]

True Memoirs of an International Assassin?

- You said you wouldn't change a word.

- I didn't. I added one.

- An important one.

- It just felt so real.

The details, the research.

It's an impressive story.

- A made-up one.

- You needed social, I got it.

Ba-dang.

- Ten thousand downloads already.

- Ten thousand?

Ten zero, zero, zero, zero.

- That's a hundred thousand.

- Not yet, but maybe soon.

- So... so, people think I'm a hit man?

- Maybe they do. Maybe they don't.

- Yeah, but I'm not.

- Aren't you?

- No.

- So you say.

- This is crazy. I'm not the Ghost.

- [whispers] Oh, I know that you're not.

- You think I'm lying?

- No.

Stop. Stop doing that, please.

- Doing what?

- That thing with your eyebrows.

Nobody cares about a fictional book

about an assassin.

But a true story of an assassin,

now, that is how you move...

- tree.

- What is that?

Five large. Your profits, less commission.

[man] Peppermint mocha

with a double shot for a Min-Lee.

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