True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet Page #2

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She's now divorced

and works as a plant lady,

though her house is

suspiciously devoid

of plants

and other living things.

Her decor is more like

Willy Wonka on acid.

Come on in.

I'll give you a little minitour, okay?

Okay, great.

Morgan's voice:
I mean, there were

multicolored polka dots everywhere,

even on the ceiling.

- And oh, my God, that clock.

- Made it myself.

Morgan's voice:

And it seems to be made out of-

Licorice.

Of course, who doesn't need

edible wall art?

I'm living with a 14-year-old.

Kitchen. You can help yourself

to anything, okay?

Morgan's voice:
Correction.

I'm living with a 10-year-old.

My room has

rainbow-striped walls,

a closet that wouldn't even fit

my Dolce & Gabbanas

and Pepto-colored sheets

with happy little butterflies

and no thread count.

So go ahead and settle in.

Take a nap if you like.

Your mom gave me some money

for schooI clothes,

so we'll hit the mall later.

Morgan's voice:

How can they expect me to live

in the Tim Burton version

of suburbia?

Sober no less?

I'm a pleasure-seeker

Shopping for a new distraction

I'm a pleasure-seeker looking

for some platinum action

I'm a pleasure-seeker

moving to the music

I'm a pleasure-seeker looking

for the reaI thing

Candelabras

in a Wonderbra

Dress Barn runway-

a reaI draw...

- Ooh!

- Faster, pussycat...

The new Stuart Weitzman shoes!

Wow, I saw these during

New York Fashion Week

and they're beautifuI.

- $325.

- Yeah, you should get a pair, too.

I could buy a hundred flip-flops

for that amount of money.

Anyway, your mom

only gave me $500 for everything.

( chuckles )

( telephone rings )

Hello.

I cannot buy

a new wardrobe and shoes

for 500 freaking dollars.

$500 is a lot of money, Morgan.

Let's be reaI, Mom. Every time you walk

into a store, you spend double that.

That is so not the point. You've only

been in Fort Wayne for half a day.

- Why don't you trying fitting in?

- Thanks for calling me, by the way.

I figured you'd call me.

Which I just did to tell you

that I need more money.

No.

"No"? What do you mean "No"?

It's my money.

I earned it.

What the hell am I supposed

to do here?

- Figure it out.

- ( beeps )

She hung up on me.

I'm broke,

stranded in a flyover state,

with no stylist

and she hung up on me.

Then lunch is on me.

I think it's safe

to lose the sunglasses and hat.

Are you serious? I'll be signing

autographs for, like, an hour.

Cashier:

May I take your order?

- Do you have a carb-free burger?

- Nope.

How about anything

with a fat content under 20%?

No idea.

Okay.

I'll just have a garden salad.

Our salads have

sugar in them.

( clears throat )

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