The Trouble with Girls Page #3

some way to remember all the names.

And it's easy. I think of people now

as different kinds of animals.

Miss O'Brien looks like

a Baltimore oriole.

So I reversed the B-O

and get O-B for O'Brien.

Hamilton looks like a leech,

treacherous. Aaron Burr was a traitor.

Traitors are treacherous.

Aaron Burr killed Hamilton.

Hayes looks like a rat.

Rats are in the hay.

You're a cuckoo.

From the moment I got up, my sore

shoulder's been killing me. I know...

- Hello, there!

- Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

Where's Clarence?

What you need Clarence for?

He's supposed to be looking

for my helmet.

- Oh, the hell with your football helmet.

- Mr. Hale!

That's trouble.

Good morning!

Good morning, sir!

- Good morning.

- Mrs. Gilchrist, you look charming.

- We're... We're very upset.

- About what?

Well, we thought Lily-Jeanne

was gonna be the lead.

- But she's only the dormouse.

- Probably some mistake.

First I've heard about it.

Now, you know, I have been

a big Chautauqua booster for years.

I go back to the days when I was a kid

right here in Radford Center...

...and the Redpath used to come through.

I remember them all. I-- Yes.

But this little girl

and the colored kid...

Now, I'm not against the colored.

There's no Klan feeling here.

We've got a few Catholic families in town.

We're broad-minded. It's not that.

There's even a Hebrew family.

But this little girl, Carol, and her mother...

- I'll check into it.

- Yeah, we'll check into that.

Well, thank you very much.

Pain seems to have moved

down a little bit.

Yale! Get Clarence and Rutgers

and the guys for a game of football.

Hey, great. Yeah.

- Hey, boss-man!

- That's you.

- We'd like to play for your show.

- Well, now, just a minute. We really...

It's all right.

Sing a song, go ahead.

- How long are you folks gonna be around?

- You're just passing through. We live here.

P-A-Y.

- Wanna see a movie?

- It's closed.

I could use the bathroom.

Hey, maybe we can buy something

in here. With the dollar!

Sometimes my mom gets things for what

they cost, because she works here.

I always get things for what they cost.

They tell you how much it cost

and you pay and get it.

- What it costs isn't what you pay for it.

- That's bushwah.

- My mom told me that.

- That's dumb.

- It's not dumb, it's business.

- Then business is dumb. Let's go.

What do you kids want?

- Morning, sir.

- Hi.

- We wanna buy something.

- Yeah?

- How much you got to spend?

- A dollar.

A dollar?

Well, now, let's...

Let's take a look here.

Don't say anything about

that dumb cost thing.

Because your mother works here, I've got

to sell you things at what they cost me.

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