The Romantics Page #2

- I wouldn't hold your breath.

- Oh, I will.

What happened to all

your little girlfriends?

They're mere bodies,

laying a path to you.

Sorry, guys.

God, it's like a bar mitzvah

in there. Did you see that room?

You should just have

a ''bring your own bottle...''

I'm sorry.

- You look stunning, sweetheart.

- Thank you, Mom.

Now if we could

just find your groom.

- That's funny, isn't it?

- What's funny?

I don't know, just the way

he's standing there like that.

What's funny about it?

OK, maybe funny is the wrong

word, but... strange. It's...

It is a little strange,

don't you think?

What about it is strange?

The way he's staring out to sea

like a lovesick sailor.

- He's a groom. Grooms get nervous.

- Of course.

Mother, please don't.

- You know what I think.

- Yes, I know what you think.

And... perhaps you'll

permit me to say it.

I know you will, regardless.

He has to love you more, Lila.

More than what?

More than whom?

More than you love him.

That's the only way marriage works.

Leave him alone.

How's Augusta?

She'll be fine

after a couple of cocktails.

Tom McDevon is quite a catch.

Summa graduate,

championship swimmer,

PhD candidate in English,

rather easy on the eyes.

So let's raise our glasses

to two perfect catches:

Perfect catch, perfect match.

- There goes the bloodline.

- That's enough for you.

When Tommy told me he was

marrying the lovely Lila,

I said... ''Tommy boy, you're

one lucky son of a b*tch!''

And I said, ''You know,

attraction is a very important

ingredient in any relationship.''

Sure, folks can talk all they

want about love and loyalty

and all that other sh*t,

but the important thing is...

if she doesn't

make your wiener hard...

...forget it! Forget it all!

What are you doing?

What are you doing? No, I...

Let's face it.

My sister is perfect.

Everyone here knows it.

If you're a chick, you've spent

your life fighting the urge

to kill her in her sleep.

If you're a guy, you've spent your life

trying to sleep with her.

- Admit it, Jake. Admit it.

- You admit it.

Don't worry, Weesie,

he never got anywhere.

Mom...

...Dad.

I know it's been hard

to embrace the new in-laws.

But don't worry.

We only have to spend Christmas

and Thanksgiving with them...

...every year for the rest of our lives.

Wait... do lrish people

celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah?

''The lovely Lila sat on a wall

When she saw Tom McDevon,

her heart had a fall

He rode in on his horse

and picked up the pieces

Until that day,

she had felt like feces.''

As everybody knows, Tom is

unmatched in the swimming pool.

As everyone also knows,

Tom is unmatched on the tennis court.

But I don't think enough is said

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