The Phantom Light

---

Music

THE PHANTOM LIGH Yeah, yeah.

Here, missus, where do I

get a car to the village?

[speaking Welsh]

What?

[speaking Welsh]

Alright. Alright. Alright.

[speaking Welsh]

Same to you.

Huh, nice place, Wales.

God, blimey.

Whose there?

Hello... -Beg pardon?

I'm sorry, miss. Nice evening.

What's nice about it?

I've been here for hours.

Oh, you don't happen to know where

I could find a car, I suppose.

That's just what I'm waiting

for. -Well, isn't anybody about?

Only the old station woman,

and she only talks Welsh.

Funny sort of place.

Oh, here's a porter.

Oi, taffy, come here.

Do you speak English? Well,

I want a car, see. -A car.

A car to take me to the

village. -Both of us.

Car. -Alright, alright,

I heard you, cook.

God bless me soul. Another

white man. How did you get here?

Transferred from Clapham Junction.

-Huh.

Now listen, I've got a

job of work to do, see.

I'm reporting for duty tonight.

I'm taking over at the North

Stake Lighthouse. -Oh, are you?

Yeah, any complaints? -Plenty.

-Well, go on then, spit it out.

Well, down here they say

the lighthouse is haunted,

and what's more, blokes go

mad and kill their selves.

Oh, do they? -Have they? -Yes,

miss. The last bloke done himself in

or somebody done him in.

People say it's ghosts.

-Who told you that?

Well, the whole blinkin' village.

-Ah, don't you listen to him, miss.

He's been so long from a fried

fish shop he's gone batty.

Oh, be quiet, this is interesting.

Well, I'm sorry interrupt, miss,

but you see I'm late as it is.

Now then, old sport,

what about that car?

Right-o, cook. I'll go and

have a look down the road.

Uncle Percy of the Children's Heart.

You know, I think you're

wonderful, mister...

Higgins. -Higgins.

The way you don't seem to mind about

ghosts and murders and things.

Oh, a lot of nonsense. -Well, it

didn't seem like nonsense to me.

Oh, didn't it? -No.

You know, you surprise me, Mr.

Huggins. -Higgins. -Higgins.

I always thought lighthouse keepers were

grim and grisly with yellow teeth and scars.

You know, sort of

human gorillas.

I never realized they were

good looking like you.

Well, there are two in the

service handsomer than me.

Now then, miss, what's

your little game?

Take me with you to

the lighthouse. -What?

Well, don't look at me like that.

-Oh, so that's your game, is it?

Well, you can put that

idea out of your head.

There's nothing of that sort of

thing goes on in lighthouses.

What sort of thing? -Well, that

sort of thing. -How dare you!

Well, ain't that what you meant?

-Of course not. -What did you mean?

Mr. Higgins, I'm going

to tell you the truth.

I live nearby in a small village.

Life in a small village

is very dull, Mr. Higgins.

Not with you there, I'll

lay a pound to the sausage.

Of course, I do all I can.

I belong to a psychic society.

Wales is full of folklore, you

know. -Is it? -Didn't you know? -No.

Now, I've heard this legend

about the phantom light,

and I mean to investigate

it for my society.

Well, I'm very sorry, miss, but

you can't do it on my lighthouse.

You see, I've got me instructions,

and though they mention there's a lot of

funny things they don't mention no women.

We've got work to do on the

lighthouse, and females is tattoo.

Now how good looking am I?

This is the station's car.

It looks it.

Oh, it lools to

beatup to put anybody in.

I suppose there's somewhere

I can sleep tonight.

I expect they'll put

you up at the pub, miss.

This is the pub, miss. -Well,

thank God we've got here.

Where are you off to, mate?

-Harbormasters. Do you mind?

Well, you better

walk the rest. It's safer.

I believe you. How do I get there?

Down the street,

follow the stream,

then take the steps 'round the cliff.

-Right-o. -You'll see it by the harbor.

Here you are, mate. Here's

my share of the damage.

Goodnight, miss. -Goodnight. -So

long, cook. See you at the funeral.

So long, misery. I'll

be in the front carriage.

Not there, miss. That's the bar.

You're the Bottle and Jug.

Well? -Is this the Bottle and Jug?

YES. -I want a bed.

[Crosstalk]

Nice evening. -Maybe.

[Singing in Welsh]

I tell you that nobody may

visit the lighthouse

without the permission of

Trinity House. Nobody at all.

It is the regulations. Nobody.

Not at all. -But if I was to go -

When I tell you it

is the regulations,

I tell you it is

the regulations.

Don't you understand

me when I speak English?

Name of Higgins,

chief lightkeeper.

Reporting for duty at the

North Stake Lighthouse.

Good evening, lightkeeper.

We have been expecting you.

Now that's off my chest.

Oh, thanks very much.

So he did, did he? -Yes, 50 times

did I tell him he could not go,

but he would stand there

and argue. -Funny, ain't it?

You know, there's

lots of folks like him.

They think there's something

romantic about lighthouses.

Romantic. A couple of months out there

in winter weather, that would learn him.

Pork and beans, pork and beans.

And you're lucky if

you find the pork.

By the way, where is

this here lighthouse?

Marked in the chart. -Over there?

I see. Half a mile from

the shore around the inland.

So if I got a bit of skirt in

the village I can't wave to her.

Mr. Owen,

-Yeah.

What about a boat to the lighthouse?

-My brother Griffith will take us over.

The boat is ready. It is the

others we are waiting for.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes