The Mirror Has Two Faces Page #2

- You're my mother, not the singer.

- I'll go home and change.

Stop it. We're late.

The priest is sweating.

All celibates sweat, dear.

If they didn't, they'd explode.

I bought a snack. If I sit through

this without eating, I'll pass out.

It'll only take 45 minutes.

Marrying outside your faith,

and on the sabbath ...

All I know about the sabbath is that

Bergdorff's isn't too crowded.

I want you to remember,

today is my day.

Behave, or I'll blow up your birth

certificate into a Christmas card.

I should have never

encouraged you to speak.

Maybe she'll look back

and turn into a pillar of salt.

Alex looks nervous.

- I hope I'm doing the right thing.

- I think you are.

The party is about to get started.

The dance floor is all yours!

Okay girls, lick your lips.

Tell Claire I'm looking for her.

Your husband's a lucky guy.

- Waiter! Can we have more dressing?

- We were separated at birth.

- Two more drinks, when you can.

- This looks delicious.

- I can't believe he's married.

- And that he chose Claire over you.

- I told you not to introduce them.

- She was married, I didn't think.

- How are you handling all this?

- No more fantasies of handsome men.

- There's a guy out there somewhere.

- Who? Barry Neufeldt?

What's wrong with him, other than

that he looks like Gumpy?

Gumby, not Gumpy.

- I'm no great prize, either.

- You're a great person and teacher.

I think I've reached the point where

you know you'll never get married.

Married? What's marriage? A ring,

a contract. Fighting, compromising.

It can be more than that. You know

what I envy about people in love?

I'd love it

if someone really knew me.

What I like. What I'm afraid of.

What kind of toothpaste I use.

I think

that would really be wonderful.

Hey, sister-in-law,

having a good time?

- Have you seen Claire?

- No, I'll find her for you.

You look beautiful tonight. I'm not

just saying that. You really do.

I heard you.

Why don't you have some coffee?

I'll find Claire.

- Alex is looking for you.

- Brother, it's starting already?

How could you do this?

I'll never forgive you.

- Yes ...!

- I'm Professor Gregory Larkin.

I'm calling about the response to

my ad. Is this Professor Morgan?

- I'm her sister. She knows nothing.

- Then maybe we shouldn't talk.

No! Rose would never answer herself.

Most of these guys are creeps.

But when it said you taught

at Columbia, something just clicked.

- You have seen her picture, right?

- Yes.

- And ...?

- And what?

Nothing. Great.

Make way, please.

This is the scene

at my sister's wedding.

She's getting drunk, regretting that

she got married for the third time.

My mom's sprouting snakes from her

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