The Lucky Ones Page #2

is put some goo on it, so...

Did you get shot... Sarnt?

No. I caught a piece of shrapnel.

Where?

Outside of Najaf.

No. I mean where on your body.

Thigh.

Upper thigh.

How about you, Sarnt?

I had back surgery.

Three crushed vertebrae.

What happened?

Porto John fell on me.

What?

Was it full?

No. It was...

It was brand-spanking-new.

It was completely sanitary.

We were setting up a camp

outside of Bandar,

and it fell off a forklift.

Well, don't tell the ladies that.

You gotta find something

better than that.

You kidding?

I love that Porto John.

Best thing that ever happened to me.

A week later, my unit

shipped off to Mosul,

got shot to pieces.

The shitter saved my life.

Wish I could've brought it home,

set up a shrine.

If I have another kid,

I'm gonna name him Porto John.

That's...

Porto John Cheaver.

They all look so good.

I don't know what to order.

What can I get for you?

Give me the Number 8, the Number 9,

and the Number 10.

Coffee, orange juice, and milk.

Good, huh?

I tell you, this woman's smart.

She's got plans for us.

You... Can't...

She's dying to get married

'cause I'm her ticket to the top.

How are you her ticket to the top?

She's a lieutenant.

She outranks you.

No. Right now she does.

I mean, she's got the connections,

but I got the juice.

I mean, it's like a merger between us.

You know? She's gonna get me

into Officer Candidate School.

I'm gonna move up the ranks.

Then I'm gonna run for office.

And you have to have

a good head of hair to run for office,

and I have a good head of hair.

So your fiance is meeting you in Vegas?

No. She's stationed at Fort Dix.

I'm gonna meet her there afterwards.

Oh, I get it.

First, a little fun at the tittie bars.

No. I got business to take care of.

You paying back a gambling debt?

Wrong again.

Randy had a gambling debt.

Yep.

That's why he had to rob Lucky Jim's.

He stole $50,000 so he could

pay back the loan sharks.

But then of course,

the cops got on his tail, and...

and that's when he enlisted.

You know, he just went...

went right into the Army

and disappeared.

It was the perfect getaway.

See, that's exactly

what the Army doesn't want.

The Army's got standards.

Like, it... it means something.

It's not like lowlifes and gangbangers.

What?

The last thing we need is trash

like your pal Randy.

- They don't want...

- F*** you! F*** you!

- Whoa!

- What the f*** is wrong with you?

That "trash" saved my f***ing life!

He pulled me outta that truck

when I got shot!

And he took a f***ing bullet

in the f***ing head!

All I got left is his f***ing guitar!

Get back in the car.

Get back in the car!

I ought to kick your ass!

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