The Fitzgerald Family Christmas Page #2

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- He cuts my grass.

- He cuts your grass.

That's fantastic.

MAN:
Hey, Sharon.

How about I just pop out

and drop you at your mom's

on my way to East Hampton?

No, you don't have to do that.

MAN:
Not a big deal.

I'm just gonna take the train

or I'll call my brother or something.

Not the brother that I met?

No, that's Gerry. He's an a**hole.

I'll call Quinn.

I wouldn't mind just, like, taking you.

I could see the house.

I could meet your mom,

say "Happy birthday."

[chuckles] No, that's definitely

not happening.

I haven't brought a boy home

since my junior prom date.

- I learned my lesson then.

- Wow, luckily I'm not a boy, honey.

[Chuckles]

Promise you I'll do better

than your junior prom date.

All right.

So...why don't we do that?

Do what?

I'll drop you off.

Meet some of the brood.

No, you're not seriously asking

to come meet my family today.

Are you?

Is that such a bad thing?

[Stutters]

No, I just... I didn't think

we were, you know...

at the meet-the-family place yet.

I mean, I'm having fun

and you're having fun right now...

Yeah, I'm having fun.

I didn't mean to make it so complicated.

- Good.

- It's fun, it's good.

- Okay, good.

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Great.

- Call your bro.

Hey, Erin, the house

looks real festive.

Perfect place for a party tonight.

We can't have everybody over here.

I have to put the baby down at 7:30.

Mom said that she wanted to celebrate

at one of her girls' houses.

Now I've explained to you

why we can't do it at Dot's.

Connie's place is too small,

Sharon's apartment in the city

is obviously not an option.

So that leaves you.

Well, we can't do it here.

[whispers] And could you keep

your voice down? The baby's sleeping.

[whispers] I don't understand

why no one seems to think

that their mother's birthday

is a big deal.

Because she deals with you one way

and the rest of us another way.

You're the golden boy,

you can do no wrong.

She treats the rest of us like sh*t.

- I hope you know that that is total bullshit.

- Is it?

Do you know

she actually suggested

that I let her sneak the baby out

one day and get him baptized.

Yeah, she told me

and I think it's genius.

We're not baptizing the baby.

Why not?

Because Corey's Jewish.

I thought Corey's an atheist.

- He's still Jewish.

- Look,

just let Mom take the kid

up to church and have her do it.

You don't need to participate,

Corey doesn't need to know about it,

and that way the kid

is not stuck in Limbo

in case you two heathens

are wrong.

You're all crazy.

We're crazy? You're telling me

you're an atheist.

How do you explain

the Christmas tree?

We have a kid now. Where else

am I gonna put the presents?

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