The Art of the Steal Page #2

Francie was a young buck I caught

pinching hubcaps off my truck.

Most folks probably would have called

the cops, but I gave him a job.

'Cause every now and then, you

got to take a leap of faith.

Hey, Crunch. Lace 'em up.

The only way we're gonna get the crowd

tomorrow is if you take a dive today.

Nope, not gonna happen,

not again.

It pains me to say it, Crunch,

but the only reason

why these folks are here

is in the hope that

you crack your skull open.

You have to crash your bike.

That's what you do.

[man on P.A.) A 188 stitches,

26 broken bones.

Twelve totaled bikes.

Three comas.

Twice pronounced legally dead.

- I'll give you $700.

- The one, the only, Crunch Calhoun!

Let me say this out loud,

'cause I can't believe

my own ears.

You expect me to deliberately

take a dive, risk my life,

for 700 bucks?

- [rock music plays]

- [crowd cheering]

- Twelve.

- Seven.

- Eleven.

- Six.

- Eight.

- Deal.

Call the ambulance.

Fire

The righteous won't sink

if they're on fire

[man on P.A.]

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's give old Crunch

a moment of silence

as he prepares to go down, down,

down into the ring of fire!

How'd she do? Tell

me at least a thousand.

No, $800. So just

don't do it, Crunch.

I'll pay you $800

not to spill 'er.

If you got $800,

I'm payin' you too much.

- Just don't do it, bud.

- [GROANS]

I'll be all right,

Francie. Besides,

"Fortune favors the bold."

Who said that one?

- Virgil.

- Right.

[ RICHARD WAGNER:

"RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"]

[REVS ENGINE, TIRES SQUEAL]

[ ROY ORBISON:
"IN DREAMS"]

A candy-colored clown

they call the sandman

Tiptoes to my room

every night

Just to sprinkle stardust

and to whisper

"Go to sleep,

everything is all right"

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

I close my eyes

Then I drift away

Into the magic night

I softly say

"Oh, smile and pray

Like dreamers do

Then I fall asleep...

[WOMAN ON PA, INDISTINCT]

Excuse me, sir. Would you

consent to a voluntary search?

Right this way, please.

Bad luck, chief.

Thank you.

Ground rules,

same as last time.

You talk when

I tell you to talk

and when I don't,

you do not talk.

Don't bark at me.

I'm not your dog.

Did I say to talk?

Because I don't recall

telling you to talk.

How many more times

must I do your job

before I've paid my

proverbial debt to society?

Warning:
You make me look

stupid, I will crush you.

- That looked hot.

- Yes, a little bit.

We're going to start

with "good cop, bad cop".

- I'm not a cop.

- OK.

How about "good cop,

just do what I f***in' say"?

You're not a cop.

Correction. The "pol" in

Interpol, it stands for police.

Then where is your pistol?

I don't need a gun.

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