Steam of Life Page #2

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In the solitary, I was permitted

to sit outside on my lunch hour.

It was a beautiful day,

I sat against a trash can.

I wore shorts, had a cup of coffee

and the sky was blue.

All of a sudden, I saw

a blue butterfly in the sky.

I thought it was beautiful,

hoped it would sit on my mug.

The mug was blue

and had painted grass and flowers.

It was like summer.

So the butterfly landed

on my mug.

I hoped it would open its wings,

and so it did.

And at that moment,

something happened.

Instantly,

my broken view of the world -

was totally cleared.

At the end of February 1991,

I got out of prison in Sweden.

When I walked into the log temple, -

I had this insight that the woman

who sits next to me will be my wife.

And so this Anu Katja Johanna

sat next to me during the introduction.

I fell in love with her woolly socks.

She curled her toes

inside the red-and-white striped socks.

I looked at her and

my heart went all weak.

Once I came back from a run

and near the course center I thought -

that if Anu is at the front door,

I will tell her this.

I went there,

and she opened the door!

I told her:

"We will be married.''

When I was young,

I told my mother:

"I want a wife from Kainuu,

she is a brown-eyed nurse.''

And my wife has brown eyes

and is a nurse.

When Anu took the pregnancy test

and then she called the lab -

and she heard

that the hormone levels were up -

it was just such miracle!

That I would be a father!

After such a life!

This kind of basic life,

organized society -

this is the best I know.

I've always had

empty pockets.

Now I have my family

and empty pockets.

I got married during the war -

and had two children

when I was on leave.

But then my wife got sick.

When she was still alive,

if I was away for a few hours -

I always worried

if I would find her dead or alive.

I couldn't always get

the boys to watch her.

My eldest son was there

a few times and asked me:

"How can you cope with this life

for so many years, Dad?"

But I just had to carry on, -

and you get the strength for it

as you go along.

It went on for five years

before she finally died.

Then I was alone.

I sat home alone

on my bed -

and cooked whenever I wanted,

what little I wanted alone...

Suddenly I had this hunger

for other people.

I said myself that something

has to change in my life.

My son came to visit and said:

"Listen, Dad.''

"We have to do something,

you have to get out and about" -

"or else you will go crazy."

After my son told me that,

I got my act together -

and went to

the Veterans' Christmas Party.

I found a nice-looking person there, -

I thought she would be nice company

if only I would dare to ask.

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