Simon Birch Page #2

Pitchers always threatened

to hit Simon, but it rarely happened.

I think they were afraid

of killing him.

Hi! How's it going?

Six, seven,

- eight, nine, ten.

- Timber-r-r!

Race you to the quarry.

I'm gonna beat you. I know a shortcut.

- No, you don't.

One year good luck.

- One year good luck.

Told you I knew a shortcut.

- Oh, man, that's cold.

- It's freezing.

Oh, man, my balls

just turned into marbles.

My balls just turned

into BBs.

- Time me.

- Simon!

- Please!

- Why does it matter how long...

- you can hold your breath?

- I don't know. It just does.

One Mississippi.

Two Mississippi.

Three Mississippi.

Four Mississippi.

- Hi, Joe!

- Hi, Ann.

Hi, Marjorie!

What are you guys up to?

- No good.

- Where's Simon?

He's around.

- He's so adorable.

- Like a little doll.

Time! Time! Time!

- Thirty Mississippi.

- Thirty Mississippi?

Thirty Mississippi?

I counted 34 Mississippi.

You know, why do you have me count it

if you are just gonna count yourself?

I want a verification.

- Hi, Simon.

When did they get here?

- About 14 Mississippi.

- Marjorie's got breasts.

- Yeah.

- And soon they'll be b*obs.

- I know.

Maybe she'll let us

touch them sometime,

- if we paid her.

- Why don't you ask her?

- Oh, uh, Marjorie?

- Stop it! Stop it!

Uh, Simon has a question

for you.

- What is it, Simon?

- Nothing. Good-bye.

He wants to know, uh,

maybe if he paid you...

could he touch your bre...

- He wants to know

if he could touch your bre...

- Quiet! Okay?

He wants to know if...

- He wants to know...

He just wants to know...

- I think Marjorie likes you.

- She likes you.

- She said you were cute.

- She means cute

like a baby turtle is cute.

- Girls don't kiss baby turtles.

- How do you know?

I just know.

If you were me,

you'd know too.

But things

will be different...

once God makes me

a hero.

You know, you shouldn't talk

about this hero stuff, Simon.

- Why not?

- Because it's weird.

- The other kids tease you

enough as it is.

- I don't care. It's the truth.

But you don't have

any proof.

I don't need proof.

I have faith.

Your problem is that

you have no faith.

I got faith.

I just want proof to back it up.

We lived

in my grandmother's house,

a monster of a place.

- It was frequently mistaken

for the Gravestown Inn.

- Shoo! Shoo!

- It's not an inn.

- The fact that never ceased...

to irritate my grandmother.

But then again, most everything

irritated my grandmother.

- Hi, Grandmother.

- Slow down.

Particularly Simon Birch.

- Hi, ladies!

- That creature.

But that's not to say

that she didn't have her kind side.

In fact, when our maid Hildie got cancer

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