Perfect Life Page #2

Let us start.

I can't lose.

So you are thinking about

going into medicine?

Sure.

I could lose an entire weekend

in my dad's medicine cabinet.

Where the hell do you think

you are going?

Relax.

It's a shortcut.

Shortcut, my ass!

I'm going to spend

all the money I can,

which my family has made

over the last 300 years.

Are you serious?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Yeah?

And also marry Anne,

and make her my princess.

I'll get my girl

once I get my Benz.

Oh, and my 911 Porsche

with 33-inch tires.

A Ferrari...

Your dad is going to have to mow

a million lawns for that sh*t.

Shh!

There she is.

(Dance music playing)

Oh, boy.

Word around campus is that

a couple of fraternity pledges

were spotted diving off

the roof of the Chem Lab

into a nearby dumpster.

Crazy kids.

Their parents

must have given them peyote.

I understand Freddy's need

to submit himself

to these idiotic initiation

rights,

but I would assume

that you would mock

that sort of behaviour.

You should know,

my dear sweet Anne,

why this is important to me.

Freddy.

I'm going to class,

but I just--

I just wanted to plant a seed

about rethinking

this whole fraternity thing.

Plant all you want,

but my fields are barren,

as far as growing any kind of

deep thoughts are concerned.

The sad thing is that

you might actually mean that.

I can't get

a read on Anne lately.

She seems so distracted.

I need to make my move,

you know?

I need to do something

so bold

that it will be impossible

for her to ignore.

Well, sh*t, man,

what's the rush?

It has only been, what?

Ten years?

Do you ever wonder about

Jack and Freddy?

In what way?

Are they really just

a couple of homos,

f***ing with our minds?

(Laughing)

You can answer that last one,

seeing as how you are

Jack's current conquest.

Conquest implies

he had to fight to get me.

What the f*** are you doing?

That's cat food!

The brothers need dip,

pledge.

Fine.

Well, in that case...

(Laughing)

Not to sound like

a total slut,

which is so hard

because I'm one,

but I would not mind

being the meat

on a Jack and Freddy sandwich.

A little rich man,

poor man action, you know?

I think you need to

think real hard about

what it is that you need

in a relationship.

Otherwise, someone is just going

to end up getting hurt.

Wow.

You are such

an uptight b*tch.

Can't you take off the halo

for one second?

You want to see the horns?

(Laughing)

Don't f*** with Jack.

It's too bad

we don't have any salt.

It's not a problem, man.

(Urinating)

Are you hot?

No, man, I'm just fat.

What about

that girl over there?

The one with the nipples

that could cut glass.

Those are nipple rings.

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