Nutty Professor II: The Klumps Page #3

Hey, Ernie, maybe you wanna pace

yourself and take it easy, huh?

Pace myself? Hey, this is a

celebration for Daddy retiring.

We owe it to Daddy to get sh*t-faced,

and I'm gonna get sh*t-faced.

By the way,

congratulations, Mr. Klump.

She's so polite. Look here, Denise, you

have to stop that "Mr. Klump" stuff...

'cause I've been hearing that for the last

year or so, and I'm starting to feel old.

- I ain't an old man.

- You is an old man.

Ah, sh*t, Grandma,

what's wrong with you?

If it isn't the Alzheimer's

Express right on schedule!

- Stop that! Hi, Mama.

- She drove right on my bunion.

Y'all have to excuse me

for being late.

If you weren't my grandmother, boy

- If you weren't my grandmother!

Me and Isaac started getting

kinda frisky in the car.

- Ooh!

- Had to give him a little appetizer.

Ooh, Mama.

- I just lost my damn appetite.

- Mama, your dress is undone. Let me zip you up.

Hurry. Zip her up in the back

before she starts looking...

...like one of them Zulu hags on

the cover of National Geographic.

- Cletus, what's wrong with you? That's my mother.

- Like that movie, Shaka Zulu.

You know something, Cletus?

Come on. Come on right now!

I'm gonna tell you something.

I got a razor in this bag.

Oh, yeah, I'll tell you what. That ain't

even no bag in your hand. That's your titty.

Cletus!

Oh, jesus!

She's an old bag with old bag

titties. Cletus, you out of your mind?

He called your grandma's titty

a bag.

- Death!

- Cletus Marcellus Klump.

If it isn't the world's

oldest living Negro?

Hey, how are things going on

the Underground Railroad, Isaac?

Oh, Cletus, please, be nice to

Mr. Isaac. Good evening, Mr. Isaac.

Come on and have a seat.

Good evening, Mr. Isaac.

How you doing tonight?

Isaac know I'm playing. I play with Isaac

all the time. You know I'm messing with you.

Oh, yeah, you say

what you wanna say...

...but Isaac's still like a Brahma bull

when it comes to relations, right, baby?

You know what they say?

You're as young as you feel.

- Well, I must be 197.

- Klump, funny you should say that.

Denise and I have been doing some research

on aging, which has proven to be promising.

Ooh, Baby,

don't belch in public.

Grandma don't wanna hear all that

nastiness. He bringing the bass, huh?

You plan to eat, you gonna

be belching, cover your mouth.

Hey, look, your grandpa ate

a whole plate of beans...

...you don't see me doing

the ol' butt trumpet, do you?

Thank the Lord. We don't have

to hear all that nasty imagery.

- Butts and trumpets.

- I'm gonna tell my grandson what I wanna say.

Hey, can we get some toothpick?

Some toothpick!

If I wanna put a trumpet in my ass and

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