Man Up Page #2

single loser in their mid-30s, right?

No. I'm actually a sad single loser

in my late 30s.

Hey!

He was right there.

I was crying with happiness.

- Oh, erm...

- Sorry.

Ryan. 37.

Nancy. 34.

Sorry, my hand's a bit wet.

It's not wee.

- Right.

- It's mojito.

I mean, I didn't think it was wee.

Why would it be wee? That would imply

very poor personal hygiene.

I mean, I don't wipe with my hand.

I use toilet paper

just like everyone else does.

- Well, that's a relief.

- Hm.

So is wee in a way,

if you think about it.

Hm...

Hm...

- Oh, how about another drink?

- Yeah, that would be great. Yeah.

- Let me get these.

- Oh, no, it's fine.

- No, it's alright.

- No, no, seriously.

- OK, you can get them.

- You get them?

- I'll get them, shall I?

- Great, cheers. Thank you.

Ah... Busted.

You've got a picture of your ex

in the old wallet.

Oh, no, that's my sister.

Oh. She's very pretty.

I bet she gets all "ze boyz".

She's dead.

Wow. It's going so well.

No, Elaine, I've got pictures

of my cats in my wallet

and they're alive and kicking

and I want people

to ask me about them.

- Well, it's good that you went.

- Why is it good?

It's just so excruciating

and predictable, just as it always is.

I'm just gonna let my vagina

hermetically seal up.

- Yeah, well, that will really help.

- Never hurt Barbie.

She's got a beach buggy

and horses and a salon.

And a boyfriend.

Is she still with that guy?

Such a fake smile.

- How long are you gonna be?

- Get your arse over here pronto.

We have a lot of nibbles

to put into a lot of bowls.

About two hours.

A reminder to all passengers

that due to engineering work

no trains are currently stopping

at Clapham Junction.

- About seven hours.

- What the f***?!

- I'm joking.

- Not funny.

- I can't do this on my own.

- Hello.

And don't forget the chocolate mousse.

Mum's obsessed.

And you've done your speech?

I've got a rough draft.

You haven't. You've done

a lot of doodles and crossing out.

- I mean, as if.

- Come on.

You know Dad loves it

when you do a speech.

So it needs to be good and special.

OK?

Fine.

- Oh, and Nancy?

- Yeah?

Don't seal up just yet.

It'll happen. I promise.

Yeah, yeah. F*** off.

Oh.

Black...

...pant...

...wash.

Sorry.

I couldn't help overhearing.

You should really think about

reading this.

Right. Right, right, right, right.

- Did it, then?

- Did it what?

- Change your life.

- Oh, erm...

- Maybe. Yeah.

- But maybe not as well?

Well, I like to give everything a go,

because otherwise what's the point?

You've got to hope it's going to work.

Because what is life without hope?

- Death.

- Death it is, then.

You see, you do need to read it.

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